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Quitting homeschooling
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I have posted on this forum before but I am a single parent homeschooling my almost 10 yr old son. He is very ADHD. Although academically he is brilliant and is a gifted guitarist and pianist, he has just become increasingly difficult over the years. He has a bad attitude about school and life in general. Everything is a battle with him. I have done everything I know to help him (no dyes or artificial flavors), a lot of physical activity, short lessons. We have tried a total of about 7 medicines over the past few years (including 3 recently) and none have worked.
I send him to a co-op twice a week and when I am not schooling him, my mom watches him. I am becoming so frustrated that I am thinking of giving up homeschooling. Any suggestions and/or thoughts? I am trying to talk myself out of enrolling him in school, but am running out of reasons to not enroll him. Homeschooling is interfering with my ability to work and since I am a single parent, I have to work.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I don’t know what will be the right answer for you. Putting him in school won’t eliminate problems, it will just change the battles. Only you know if that would be doable.
One thing to consider – is there a more ‘get it done’ form of homeschooling he would rather do? While I love and adore CM homeschooling methods that doesn’t mean they are what will be best in this situation. I have had a child kick back at things they think are taking more time than needed. (For example, one period of time I had a child who didn’t want to read books about history, they just wanted to learn the facts and move on. Ideal? No. But a basic textbook or workbook based history could work in that situation.)
Would your son be less against school work if it was computer or workbook based (thinking about things like Monarch or Pace)?
I do Apologia Science with him and he loves it but he is very much a science person. He is a “just the facts” kind of guy.
I am doing Math-U-See with him and he does struggle with math (which blows my mind because he is so smart). He gets frustrated with math. We didn’t like Right Start Math. Any suggestions?
He doesn’t like Shurley English (we are almost finished with the book we are doing) but he hates to write. He has the worst handwriting and nothing I have ever done with him has made it better. Maybe I need to switch curriculum. Any suggestions for Language Arts for a child who loves to talk but hates to write?
Thanks for any suggestions and/or input?
It is common for kids with ADHD to also struggle with math, handwriting and reading. Since he loves science, can you focus his writing in that subject? Also, many parents let their struggling writers type or use voice to text software.
My son puts up a fight with math as well. Right Start was not a big hit with him either. So I let him choose from Life of Fred, books about math concepts, and math games. On Monday, he asked if he could measure things around the house with a ruler for math. Today he wanted me to handwrite addition problems for him to do.
Have you looked at the math materials here on this website? Looks like they are based in practical real world situations and maybe that would appeal to him more.
ADHD can definitely make homeschool more challenging. I often find myself discouraged on how to motivate my son and figure out what works best for him. I recently read Superparenting ADD by Edward M. Hallowell. He encourages parents to focus on their child’s strengths and not spend the majority of their time trying to remediate weaknesses. Easier said than done, but I want to apply that to my homeschool, and remind myself not to make my son spend too much time on areas he struggles in. What is he good at? Where is he gifted?
Have you had him get a full psych-eval? May be more than ADHD. Is there something specific he could be angry about, deep down (or depressed, which can manifest as anger).
Also, are there any strong male models for him to hear say: respect your mom. He needs one if his dad isn’t available and even if he is. I and my husband are separated, and my dad is a very important part of my son’s life.
Sounds like he’s strong in language arts and not math. I suggest Christian light Education’s Sunrise math series. It’s semi-spiral. Reviews in every lesson. Lessons are short and to the point. MUS didn’t work with my math-challenged child. Not enough review, but Saxon would’ve been too fast. CLE was in the middle.
I agree that gov. school will make one part easier, but you’ll have new and continued problems. He will pick up bad behavior from others. The good part is outside accountability. But you can get that with HS’ling, too. Many times, males need it.
My son also loves to talk and hates writing, too. Has awful penmanship. There’s things I wish I had done differently, so I will let you know as a recommendation. But I need to come back, ran out of time!
I’m going to be answering in spurts:
For grammar, I recommend Growing with Grammar. Definitely. It’s straight and to the point. Not much writing. Very easy to grade. Teaches TO the child.
If he hasn’t done diagramming yet, start at level 3. If he has experience with it, then maybe 4, instead.
You don’t need much actual writing instruction yet. So, no need for a writing curriculum.
Thank you all for the advice/recommendations.
He has been fully tested (twice) and has ADHD and has some OCD issues and is quite confrontational. Because I adopted as a single parent, he doesn’t have a father. He doesn’t have any uncles or grandfathers either but is exposed to male role models at church.
I am going to look into some other curriculum that might work better for him.
My dd is adopted, and adoptees can bring unforeseen additional challenges.
That’s great that he has good male role models in church. As he gets older, hopefully a bond will be made and someone will be very special and be there for ya’ll as he gets older.
Personally, I wouldn’t give up on handwriting yet. In the future, he’ll be writing papers on the computer. But there’ll be plenty of forms that aren’t computerized, which requires a decent hand.
I made the mistake of not requiring enough consistent writing practice for my son, since he didn’t like writing. So now, in high school, I’m having him go back and work on it.
What do you use for handwriting practice?
Also, what do you think needs to change so that you don’t have the interference with your work?
You could just do project based homeschooling. Find out his interests and just have him notebook all the time. Although CM is wonderful curriculum and I use it with my 5 children, it’s not mandatory. Lol
My son is 11 and has ADHD. He doesn’t homeschool like the others. He is also hard to please and gives me a hard time. I work daily on him respecting me. He doesn’t enjoy school so we started interest based learning He follows his interests and I have him notebook science geography and history however he wants to. He also does not read anything that he’s not interested in. I read aloud to him things I want him to know. He also does a lot of YouTube videos for visual learning.He learns a lot of science through Wild Kratts. Lol
we do spelling wisdom and using language well
He’s also doing ACE because it’s repetitious. My other kids use teaching textbooks. Here’s a YouTube channel of a lady with 11 children and she explains how to notebook. And how project learning can reallychange your child
please watch it!!
Thank you all for the advice and suggestions. I will be checking into this.
I really appreciate the input. It helps to have a different perspective sometimes!
My biased opinion is that many children with ADHD feel frustrated and like a constant failure when faced with the rules of a school. It looks greener at times, but seldom is.
Show him some samples of your top curriculum picks and see what he thinks.
He may need a mix, like the above math suggestion. If he is strong in mathematical reasoning, but not computation, Critical Thinking Company Mathematical Reasoning is an option.
If not then Christian Light Math is decent. You can tweak it to make it fit him, skipping speed drills and flashcards and practicing facts with card games instead.
Queens has a spelling copywork book with words and a sentence the first day and only one short sentence for each of the other days. My dd9 sees this handwriting as art, and works slowly and carefully because she knows it’s short. We use their Language Lessons for the… Child for the same reasons, short, daily practice.
We use Washington Reads card games for reading practice.
Praying that you find what works for him.
Young Living essential oils help at our house.
For my math-disabled dd, I actually combined the Critical Thinking Co. suggestion above with CLE. And I also skipped the flashcards, using CTC or Xtramath for drill, instead. CTC and Xtramath(free) are computerized, but doesn’t use games.
Retrofam reminded me of another handwriting curriculum which uses art, too. If your son would like that type of thing, let me know and I’ll look it up.
There’s the issue of what is manageable for you, since you need to work: What do you think needs to change so that you don’t have the interference with your work?
I would contact hslda they have someone who can advise you about adhd and they have support for single parents. Your state homeschooling association might be able to help. My son likes Singapore math because of the pictures in the books. I use manipulatives with it. We use My Father’s World grammar which is poems, picture study and mostly oral lessons. My son likes it. I don’t know if you are homeschooling for spiritual reasons but if so that is a big factor to consider along with what your son needs academically and spiritually. Then you can decide how you should meet those needs. Homeschooling or some other way. I must say as a former public school teacher, he might not get the education he needs as a boy with ADHD. But he might depending on the school.
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