OT- HSing and family dealing with effects of combat PTSD??

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  • ReneeS
    Participant

    DH was in the military and experienced some incredibly tragic events on a daily basis for two separate deployments, a year at a time. The PTSD effects on our family were minimal while he was still in the military due to him having to work so much and be gone from us. But, now he is out and over the past year the PTSD has been more and more evident. I am on eggshells and act as a buffer between the children, 2 and 6 (loud, running around, cry , fights and fits), so that issues are not sparked.

    Is anyone else dealing with this type of situation??

    I am wearing out so quickly schooling the kids, being a buffer and literally never getting relief for myself. I have zero friends in the state we live and zero family on my side anymore, so in turn I have no one I trust with my children to ask to take them for an hour or two once in a while to get that needed breather, did I mention I am an introverted person who needs alone time. It has gotten to the point that I have considered putting the 2 yr old in daycare to be able to school the older and actually get it done without being interrupted literally every 7 seconds, I’ve timed it. I provide activities but this child in particular has always needed to be with me. I started to consider putting the older child in school just so I could get some type of time to get a breather. The older child is extremely emotionally charged and can be relentless at times if they don’t get what they want.

    Leave it to be said with the children and schooling and then PTSD effecting the family on a daily basis, let alone the marriage, I am needing to seek others who might share the same type of situation or who have dealt with this type of situation and could offer some suggestions or encouragement even.

    Sorry this is so long and if I have posted in the wrong spot my apologies.

    butterflylake
    Participant

    Hugs and prayers for you. My husband was career military but never deployed or saw combat, so I have no PTSD experience. I do know what it is like to live with no family nearby, and even to have to be the buffer in an emotionally charged home. It is exhausting.

    Is your husband able to go out at all? Work, errands, gym? If he is capable of those things that may give you a little space here and there, and give him something to accomplish. I know PTSD is different for everyone.
    Sometimes I take our school to a park/playground, or when we are running errands I do readings in the car before heading into a store.

    Does a local church have a Mother’s Day Out that you could put the 2 year old in? This might be a way to give yourself about 10 hours a week to focus on the 6 year old or yourself.

    You may want to go slow with school and focus on finding friends and building relationships. It can be very challenging, but I know there are people all over hoping for a friend. Where do you live? Are there homeschool support groups nearby?

    I’ve prayed God will fill your family’s needs.
    Vanessa

    ReneeS
    Participant

    Thank you, Vanessa! Prayers are so appreciated.

    Thank you for your understanding as well of what the military lifestyle is and does to a family. You are so right, an emotionally charged home is exhausting!!

    My husband is able to work outside the home, but that is about all, he has social anxiety and hates to be in crowds, go to any new places, or meet new people. I am an introvert so I slightly get “it” but since I have not experienced what he has I will never truly understand.

    We were away from family for 7 years when he was in the military so I don’t have too hard of a time with not having people around but I had friends around, and I could walk out the door and had several neighbors in the same exact lifestyle and could understand each others lives. Now, his family is 4 hours away (close in our terms), but not close enough for a drop off day with grandparents. I will look into a Mother’s Day out idea in our church. I have had my blinders on to the rest of life almost so that I am slightly on auto pilot and don’t pay much attention to things going on even if I was standing right next to them since I am always so vigilant about my children when we are out, typically without my husband so I don’t have a backup person to watch their behavior if I do get into a conversation with someone.

    We are now located outside the Boise, Idaho area (we love it here). There are a couple of co-ops nearby but I have had a hard time getting them to fit into our schedule, another reason why I haven’t really been able to do much church activities, if anything is in the evening when my husband is home I try to have us be home

    One of the reasons I was drawn to SCM is due to the ease of teaching and hoping it will help lessen my stress level. The smattering of things we are using having me doing a lot of prep and not a lot of pay off it seems.

    I really like your idea of doing lessons at the park!! I think I will need to try that for sure.

    Thank you again for your prayers and your understanding, it was needed 🙂

    Melanie32
    Participant

    I can’t offer any advice but wanted to say that I’m praying for you and your family.

    ReneeS
    Participant

    Melanie32, I want to say thank you. Earlier tonight I got on right after you posted here and I saw you had written. Your words and prayers were needed so much in that very moment of dealing with all that is our family right now, Thank You!

     

    Melanie32
    Participant

    Oh Renee-I am so glad that the Lord led me to prayer for your family at  that time. He is so good. Just know that He was the one who led me to your thread and led me to post and pray. It is Him showing how much He cares for you and your family. He loves you so much.

     

    HollyS
    Participant

    We don’t have experience with PTSD, but my DH works from home quite a bit and the loud noises get to him…not to mention he is often on the phone.  We are currently able to do school on a separate floor of the house.  That helps quite a bit.  They still can’t be running around screaming, but it doesn’t need to be quiet as a library either.

    I’ve found a few things to keep them settled down a bit.

    • When they are “bouncing off the walls”, we often go outside and play for a bit.  I don’t see miracles here like other families seem to…playing outside just gets them more wound up, but sometimes it gives me a bit of quiet (which leads to a more patient mom).  😉
    • When DH is more stressed than usual, I sometimes take them to the store or library…this is a bit harder now that we are in the country, but sometimes it’s necessary.  DH often has me get out of the house (without the kids) when I’m overly stressed as well.
    • If going outside isn’t an option, something that helps is to have them sit on the couch (as far from each other as possible–I usually “assign” them seats).  I turn down the lights and have them remain quiet for 5 minutes or so.  This is like hitting a reset button on my kids.  When they go back to playing, they are much calmer!
    • If we are in the middle of school, I often have them do some exercises.  Jumping jacks, crunches, push ups, planks, running in place, etc.  A few minutes of these and they almost always pay more attention to their lesson.  This is like the Swedish Drill that CM used!

    My kids have been very emotional between the ages of 4 and 6.  Usually they get much better at controlling their emotions by age 7.  Also, your 2 yo will be able to play more on his own soon…that makes a huge difference when it comes to homeschooling.

    I can total sympathize with you on the no family/friends nearby situation!  We haven’t been near family in years.  We just moved in and I’ve yet to make any close friends (or anyone I can leave the kids with even).  The only activities we’ve found are going to the library and piano lessons.  My DH is a pastor, so it’s impossible to have conversations after church since I’m so busy keeping my kids somewhat contained.

    I have also been praying for your family (and will continue to do so).

    ReneeS
    Participant

    Melanie32, isn’t it amazing how He leads us places for others 🙂 And how comforting as well when He shows His workings to us.

    HollyS- Thank you and thank you so much for your prayers. Yes, the noise is a huge thing for my husband. My older one is like your children in how you say the outside play gets them going more, funny how that works with some kids and not with others. I really, really like your idea of “assigning” them seats and darkening the room a little and helping them settle that way! I think my kids would like the idea of the special place to sit. I have just come upon the idea of the Swedish Drill in a video with Sonya doing a workshop. I think it is fantastic my oldest is a mover, she moves so much she falls off her chair for no reason except she wiggles constantly, so I think the Swedish Drills will help in moving her body in-between the sit down parts of school and get her to pay attention and follow directions (something that is a huge issue) all at once.

    Oh Holly, my heart and prayers are with you, I can so relate to the not being able to talk with people and gain relationships at church and not having people around to get even a small break. I will be praying for you in this area of your life.  We have been in Idaho over a year now and it’s still an issue for me and I purposely try to talk to others, I often start to think I have missed some social que that I am not up to date on 🙂

    God works so wonderfully and He and everyones words here and prayers have truly given comfort in such a hard time.

    stephw2
    Participant

    I don’t have any experience, but I wanted to add that my prayers will be with you and your husband. I also wanted to share the name of a speaker that I just heard on Saturday who spoke about PTSD. He is with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (biblicalcounseling.com)and his name is Dr. Charles Hodges. He has a website called goodmoodbadmood.com. He has actually worked with vets and I would highly recommend his website. You may even be able to contact him via the website. Our God is a strong God. He is a fortress in the midst of the storm. I pray that you can find strength in Him.

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