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Only one habit at a time?
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I just watched the LDTR dvd and it was fantastic! I am guilty of trying to establish too many habits at once, so would like to transition to focusing on one habit at a time.
My question: What does that look like in regard to the child’s other behaviors? For example, if I choose to focus on obedience as our major habit, how do I handle incidences of lying, clothing on the floor, inattention, dawdling, etc. during the intense time of forming obedience? I am having a hard time understanding how to keep a focus on one habit while not neglecting other behaviors that need attention. Along with that – how to avoid nagging? What behaviors to ignore, if any? Truly, I can (and regrettably do) remind/nag all day long.
thank you!
My daughter does Frontier Girls and there are several badges that correlate with habits, so we just do badge work.
Obedience is our first habit to work on and I let my DD6 know that is a big focus for us and it isn’t just for school or for just mom it is for all the time and with others as well. I still get on her about picking up her toys and clothes, the clothes seem to be allergic to the laundry basket :). We go with still guiding her in what she needs to be doing, besides it goes hand in hand with obedience, doing it the first time asked. Doing what is asked of her and her responding and then acting is what I am expecting of her whether I ask her to pick up her clothes or to help her sister put her helmet on or open a door.
My children are ds8, dd7, ds4, and dd2. We are making a concerted effort to teach obedience using Laying Down the Rules for Children (1-2 lessons/week). My children love the games and they really reinforce the necessity of obedience. This morning the children were blindfolded and had to walk through the living room following my instructions to avoid the obstacles I had placed in the way. Then we had a lively discussion on how being obedient can save your life. I highly recommend Laying Down the Rails and Laying Down the Rails for Children.
To avoid nagging I have done two specific things:
1. My children who can read have a good morning list posted in their rooms of the things they must do before 9AM. The plan is to start school work at 9AM (our routine, but not a rigid schedule).
Here is my the list:
Good Morning!
Wake up and read your Bible.
Make your bed.
Go potty.
Get dressed.
Brush or comb your hair.
Eat breakfast.
Table chores.
Wash your face and hands.
Brush your teeth.
Before 9AM
I heard that you should always Inspect What You Expect, so I try to inspect before we start our school day.
2. After weeks of nagging my children to do their table chores, I have started an incentive program that is producing good results so far. My children know what to do, but I kept having to remind them to start their table chores (clearing the table, wiping the table down, sweeping under the table, etc.) at the end of the meal. They kept wandering off to read books or play.
So now the older 3 children earn one popcorn kernel once they complete their table chores without being reminded by me. The kernels are placed in a 8 ounce glass jar and once the jar is full, we will pop the popcorn and have a family movie night. They are working towards a goal and have not forgotten to do their table chores yet. My dd7 who was the one who always had to be reminded to do her table chores is now the leader who makes sure her brothers do their jobs. I love it.
Yes. only. one. habit.
I think that if you stick to one habit, you will see growth in other areas. The morning list requires obedience. My older children are developing regularity in devotions/Bible reading because they follow their list each morning. Last night, my daughter made sure her Bible was on her dresser so it would be handy first thing in the morning.
The incentive for table chores requires initiative and team work. I have noticed growth in truth telling and cleanliness as well.
Don’t do too much or you will get discouraged. Expect slow growth and then rejoice when it happens. Mom’s attitude can make or break habit training. Patience. Patience. Patience. I could probably write a book about all the things I am learning, but I need to start cooking supper!
I’ve found the LDTR for Children to be a huge help as well! We do one or two lessons per week. When I’m setting my goals for that character trait, I try to set specific goals. When we did cleanliness, I just focused on brushing teeth, flossing, and washing their faces. I put up a chart and poster in the bathroom as a reminder. Right now we are working on Attention and it’s not as concrete of a habit. We mostly discuss how important paying attention is throughout the week. I bring it up when they are narrating or we are doing picture studies. We talked about the importance of paying attention to Bible readings and sermons in church.
As far as other habits, we do work on them as they come up in our day…just because attention is our current habit doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work on obedience or brushing their teeth. The other habits just aren’t our big focus. I have not idea how to accomplish this without nagging…I spend a large portion of my day reminding them to do their chores. It does seem I have to nag my older DC slightly less, so maybe there is hope for them yet. 😉
Thank you all for sharing! I am still trying to figure out what this will look like but I now have some more tools to consider.
Bless you!
In focusing on one habit, you will still need to deal with life as it happens. You’re right. I often think of the example of a mom telling her child, “Joey, you just hit your sister but I’m going to ignore that because we’re working on the habit of orderliness and you didn’t mess up anything in the room when you smacked her.” Of course not! 🙂
So, yes, deal with life but try to keep an intentional focus on one good habit that we’re working toward during these six to eight weeks.
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