Math is painful–Please Help!

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  • art
    Participant

    I really need some help with my 9 year old daughter. When it comes to math, she turns off her brain. I feel like she just won’t try to understand something (anything), but maybe she really can’t figure anything out. She has been getting worse and worse with math for this whole school year. How could she be going backward???

    Ever since the beginning of time, she has counted up when she adds. She has counted VERY fast and gotten through everything in a timely manner. So this year, I got Math U See because I wanted her to actually memorize the facts, so we could move on finally to subtracting. It has totally messed her up. I love MUS and I see things in a way that I’ve never seen, but she has gone so far backward and has so much trouble. 

    I am so angry at her that all I can do is yell about it. She thinks I think she’s stupid. I guess I’m starting to wonder, but really I just think she’s lazy and doesn’t want to try. Could it really be that she can’t understand ANYTHING before she even looks at it to try? It’s not really a MUS question; I’m not using that with her any more–it confused her. She’s a reading whiz, she writes great, spells better than her 12 year old sister, but I think math is going to kill us.

    Have any of you had a child that just cannot do it at all, even a little? What do you do about kids that you think are not even trying? I think she’s gotten herself so convinced that she can’t do it, that it really is stopping her ability to do it. She has panic attacks all the time (especially at math time), and I’m yelling about it because I’m at my whit’s end and don’t feel like I can be nice any more.

    Any advice would be so helpful.

    My daughters were in PS through middle of 6th grade and in that time the school they were in changed math programs 5 times – they like the others in their class ended up so far behind and so math phobic that it was not funny.  The girls are very bright and I knew it was not that they could not learn, just that they had no chance to settle in a good solid program.  The school always stated they were doing well and told me that I should not do math with them at home as it would confuse them.  The school was a military school overseas and I was taught in the English way which is somewhat different in the way you carry numbers when adding and subtracting.  Eventually we realised that it was a disaster for the girls and we took them out and started homeschooling.  I have to say that it has been difficult and an awful challenge – they were hating math when we got them out of school, felt stupid and had really low esteem on the issue.  They forged ahead with every other subject, but math has always been a nightmare no matter what program we tried.  After realising that we could not teach them at grade level, we went back to the beginning and started with place value, math facts and addition and subtraction and moved slowly forward from there.  It has been painstaking and they will never be really excelling in the subject but they now are at a point where they have enough for college if they choose to go, and are not quite so afraid of the subject. 

    Without the basics of math including the facts being known, more advanced math is really not possible.  You may need to take her back to basics and get those facts learned, in a non threatening to her way – unfortunately she may already be a bit math phobic and then it is scary for them.  Make sure all the fact families are known inside and out and do a few at a time – build confidence slowly and don’t panic – she too will have enough by the time she finishes high school.  However before high school math can be accomplished she needs all the basics down – so don’t skimp and go back – be calm as you can, allow her to work at her pace, just make sure she is working.  Find some fun ways to learn the facts and slowly move forward.  The panic attacks are not good and yelling will make it worse – take a week or two off and start again very, very slowly – let her learn at her pace and don’t worry.  If you are patient, then she will slowly gain confidence.  Tell her what you are going to do – tell her that you know she is struggling and you want to help her learn, and do it in a completely non judgemental way.  Hope this helps.  Linda

    Richele Baburina
    Participant

    Hi art,

    We’ve gone through this (including the panic and tears).  After lots of reading and praying last year I put our CM-friendly math curriculum away  and we have done this year completely textbook free for math. 

    I will try to put it in a detailed post when I have more time but really quickly, I re-read everything I could find on arithmetic in CM’s writings, figured out what I would need to cover then plugged in living math books, real-life, math games and lots of hands-on stuff. 

    Five months in and the results have been great.  A friend recently asked my oldest what his favorite subject was and his reply was “math!”

    Believe me, I’m not a “math person” so this took a bit for me to pull together.  Having living books really added so much to our experience – those like “The Librarian Who Measured the Earth” or “What’s Your Angle, Pythagoras?” lends so beautifully to the excitement of facing a problem then using reason and logic to solve it.

    Take a breath, take a break.  Smile.  Bake a cake.

    Best,

    Richele

    Misty
    Participant

    I don’t have any advice.  But I will tell you that you are not alone.  Here is my story:

    My just turned 11 yr old son is still trying to memorize his multiplication facts.  We use/d MUS and Math Mammath.  His 2 younger brothers are now either caught up to him or passed him.  He feels like a failure, stupid, all that stuff.  BUT we know cause we’ve done everything: videos, CD’s, fashcards, the”keys”, different books, the pop up squares, charts, etc.  that if he is alone with just me and it’s absolutely silent he can do it. 

    I was also instructed by a wiser mom to have him do only 15 minutes a time but 4 times a day 6 days a week.  So we made a chart and if he does all that then at the end of the week on Sunday he gets something for his hard work.  But if he doesn’t then a concequence is passed out.  We are to sign off on each item each day.  I do not remind him.  But on the weeks he did everything he was asked to he memorized his facts.  The weeks he didn’t he ended up doing those same fact 2 times.  He is in 5th grade and right now he only knows his 1’s, 2’s, 10’s fast and for sure. 4’s & 5’s slow but steady.

    So you are not alone.  Not every child loves math. (so sad as I LOVE math) but I know with patience and time it will come around.  Now if come 7th grade we’re still trying to do multiplication… we’ll then it’s time to get more serious help I guess.  But as long as we see steady progress we are ok with that.  Just wanted to say be patient, try many and different things.  Don’t get mad it only makes it worse.  Good luck.  I will be praying for you and her!

    You do need to take a mental break from math and let your relationship with your daughter be first right now. NOTHING is more important than our relationships ( I am speaking to myself here too 🙂 !!

    Once the forgiveness has healed you both, then find a different way of doing math that is tolerable if not even fun. I personally would do just a few minutes a day (15 or so, put a timer on if needed) and practice just easy review at first. Gradually build into that, maybe adding just one little concept a week that she can practice every day . Keep it simple so no panicking starts!

    Hang in there, pray to God to help you stop yelling. I had parents that would do that, and it caused me to feel a lot resentment and disrespect later in life. IT HURTS, even now to remember. Ask for forgiveness from God and your children, and begin anew in His grace.

    Praying for you and your family.

    2flowerboys
    Participant

    Hi art..I sent you a looongg PM! 🙂

    Oakblossoms
    Participant

    This is normal for this age. I, too, believe you need to take a Math break and reconnect. You are only making it worse. She is not being lazy. Her brain is just not absorbing this right now. My children have not been required to drill math facts. Instead they learn them over time.

    I suggest taking a break for a month. We switched to Teaching Textbooks this year. It has been wonderful. It is self correcting in the lower levels. They can be self-paced. And, it has given them a lot of confidence in their Math abilities. If you have the budget Please consider TT. It will take away this stress for both of you.

    art
    Participant

    Thank you all so much for replying. I think a break would do us good too, but I feel like all we’ve had are breaks. I know that yelling doesn’t help. My family is kind of loud, and it’s hard to change what you grew up with. Which is all the more reason to stop being loud, so they don’t do it with their kids. 

    I would love to try Teaching Textbooks. I ordered it a couple years ago for another child, but it wouldn’t work. I’m not sure if it’s because we have a Mac or not. But it did look like something that would help. Does anyone have Mac experience with it?

    I really appreciate this forum. I knew I could get advice and comfort here–and prayers. Thank you!

    missceegee
    Participant

    Art,

    I just have a brief moment, but we have a MAC and yes it is TT compatible. TT is wonderful for my dd b/c of her similar issues with math and my inability to teach it in a way that is not frustrating for her. She is 10, uses TT Math 4 and has struggled with fact memorization all along, but we’ve FINALLY hit on something that is working very, very well – Rapid Recall by Jan Bedell. It focuses on 5 facts/week and takes less than 10 minutes total/day. I do think it important to get the facts down so as to be able to progress through math, but adding living math books is a big help to show why it matters.

    Blessings,

    Christie

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