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Allowed Behavior
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I am curious what you all allow as far as behavior in your littles. My DS is 3 and sometimes I think we may be too strict. Maybe we don’t allow him to be a kid. Especially when we visit some others’ houses and their kids are yelling, jumping on the couch, jumping off the furniture, throwing things in the house… These friends tend to have more kids than we do so I wonder if we are just used to calm and order so much that we hold our son down not allowing all this “kid activity”. We don’t let him play with his food at meals, yell in the house, ride his scooter into furniture, play with kitchen cabinets/drawers (meaning opening, closing, opening, closing, opening…), standing on the furniture, jumping on the bed, pulling the curtains or otherwise playing with them, um and probably other stuff that’s not coming to mind… Does it sound like we’re being too strict with a 3 year old boy? It seems some of our friends allow these behaviors up until a certain age so maybe I should loosen up and he’ll stop them later? Most of the time our motivations for these rules are so that he doesn’t get hurt, he doesn’t hurt someone else (like one of us!), he doesn’t break something, or to maintain a certain sense of peace and order in the home. What do you all think? What of those things do you allow?
Thanks a lot!
Dana
I have all boys and all newphews and they’re all all boy. We do NOT allow that type of activity inside. My youngest two are 7 and 8, the youngest adopted last year. They wrestle around and make lots of noise but they must keep it under control. Outside is different. Then they make LOTS of noise. But “self control” is my mantra. Children can have a good time without tearing the house down. They are not allowed to jump or wrestle on furniture. It costs money. If they break it they have to buy another one. I teach my children to respect other’s property, including mine. There’s nothing wrong with setting limits and exepecting different behaviors in different locations. Keep it up. You’re doing great.
I have 5 boys 12 to 4 and there is NO WAY they would be allowed to do that stuff. They ride bikes off jumps, they build with tools, they climb trees, but they sit on furniture, they don’t yell in the house (or at least they are not suppose to) and there is no throwing things.
I think your friends might be a bit relaxed about things. BUT either way remember it’s your job to parent your children and you have to do what you think is best. I mean even our good friends whom we see eye to eye on a LOT of things there are still differences that we’ve had to explain why we do one thing and htey do another.
So just do what you feel is best and remember your job is to train and love your child!
Set the limits and stick with them on this. Respect for anyone, anything is a sadly lacking virtue, habit, attitude (whatever you want to call it) missing in society…and it is easer to train the habit now than later…
Obviously we only have boys, so….we do not allow jumping on or from furniture, sitting on the table, pulling on curtains, scooters in the house, bouncing balls in the house, etc. We do allow lots of noise outside, well, my dh does, I’m the one telling the boys to not be so loud outside out of respect for our neighbors. When my kids were little, like 2-3ish, I did have a cupboard/drawer that had plastic lids, canned items for them to take out, stack, put back, etc., but that was just to keep them occupied in the kitchen while cooking. I’m kind of a stickler about them picking up their rooms, decluttering, putting the “lid” down, etc. I know their boys but someday they’ll be men, married hopefully, and I really don’t want my their in-laws/wives to think that I raised animals
. So, I try.We don’t allow those things either…. I do allow a touch of wrestling type behaviour if all participants want to…. but not very often as it drives me crazy. I do occasionally let them race from one room to another… but again that is rare.
We had one bed break from jumping on the bed (not allowed…. but still.
My kids do tend to do things like sit upside-down on furniture (not allowed… but it happens…) and they often run full spead into the furniture, kind of tackling it… not allowed but it happens. SIGH
We never allowed that behavior either even when those around us allowed their children to do so. The girls were raised in Europe and often we were at other people’s homes and in restaurants – it would have been totally frowned upon if the girls had acted up or behaved badly in either place. In Germany children are expected to behave beautifully when eating out – and if they can’t then you do not take them. We taught the girls very early that they were to behave out in public and we always had coloring books for them so they would not get bored, but they understood and followed the rules. I think it pays to stick to your rules no matter what anyone else is doing – they have to be allowed to be kids, but they also need to respect property at home and certainly when visiting or out of the home. I made sure the girls had plenty of outdoor time, and that helped. I can imagine with boys it is a bit harder, but I agree with my 3 boys, I think she is doing a great job of making sure they grow into civilised young men who will one day make lovley husbands – the world could use a lot more of this kind of training and then maybe we would not have such a selfish and rude society.
I have 4 kids – dd10, ds7, dd4, ds18months.
We’ve found that most people are not intentional about raising their children. What I mean by that is that they seem to think the kids can run around and behave however they choose, but at some magical age, they will just know how to properly behave. This is very short sighted IMO. I would much rather put in the work of training my kids when they are young, tiring as it may be, so that my kids will be a joy to us and to others.
We’ve taught our kids that when visiting others’ homes, the more strict rules prevail. Example – I do not allow my kids to ever stand on or otherwise misuse the furniture. Our closest friends with four boys (13 – 5) don’t have this rule. The boys frequently stand on the furniture. (In her defense, I should add that she has a chronic illness that leaves her in pain and fatigue most days. She’s chosen not to spend her little bit of energy here. In her case, it’s been a conscious choice.) Anyway, even when her boys are walking on the coffee table, my kids know they are not allowed.
We like using the funnel as a picture for our parenting style. When small, we keep them near, training and correcting often. As they get older, there sphere widens and our training and correcting morphs slowing into leading and guiding.
HTH,
Christie
PS – Our favorite book for child rearing has been mentioned here many times, but I thought I’d mention it again, in case it’s helpful. If not, please simply disregard – Raising Godly Tomatoes.
. So, I try.
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