What to do with an OCD little boy? « SCM Discussion Forum: Charlotte Mason Method Homeschooling

SCM Discussion Forum » Moms' Porch » Habits

What to do with an OCD little boy?

(19 posts) (14 voices)

Started 10 months ago by Sara B.
Latest reply from seekingHISheart

Tags:

12 Next »

Sara B.
Member

My husband is especially hurting because he doesn't think he will ever be able to be close to our only boy, 3yo. The kid is absolutely OCD, though undiagnosed besides by the 2 of us. He knows the punishment for disobedience, touching things, etc. But he thinks it's worth it. He is incredibly curious and must satisfy that at all costs. He also learns by touching *everything,* and I do mean everything. LOL

So I know that he has a bad habit and needs to replace it with a good habit. But what? In general he is very obedient, unless he gets away from us and sneaks away or out of his room. This is especially true during nap time and bed time. We do have a door alarm on his door so we know when he comes out, but we have found of late we are not hearing it when he sneaks out (his room is upstairs, but mostly we "live" downstairs). My husband will be picking up another on his way home from work so we have one upstairs and downstairs. In general, I'm just wondering with what I can replace this bad habit (OCD tendencies and curiosity), and how. Ideas? Thoughts? Advice?

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
suzukimom
Member

What are the OCD tendencies exactly?

If it is actually OCD, you aren't going to be able to discipline him out of it... (I am assuming you mean Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)... I have OCD Tendancies (diagnosed - so basically I have OCD except it doesn't mess up my life enough to be called OCD...) - so basically I can tell you that basic discipline isn't going to stop compulsive behaviour.

That said - I didn't see anything that sounded like OCD....

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
chocodog
Member

Sara, Have you looked more at ODD..... Oppositional Defiant Disorder?? It has obsessive tendancies with a difiant twist... :) And yes it is hard to get past the constant defiance.

Good Luck and Blessings!

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
jawgee
Member

Sara, I wonder if it might be a good idea to get an official diagnosis. My nephew has a difficult time resisting the temptation to touch some things due to his autism. My son is sometimes disobedient because he has a michevious streak.

Just wondering if a diagnosis might help you get a better idea of what your son needs, what he can control, and what behavior, if any, is a result of a medical condition.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Tristan
Member

What jumps out at me is the fact that he is THREE. You can't expect adult-level self control from someone who is 3. If he is seeking so much input from touch you can already see he's a kinestetic learner so take advantage of it! Give him sensory input in ways that are acceptable to you and seek out deliberate things he'll enjoy. Curiosity is not a bad habit.

For the coming out of his bedroom - who wouldn't do that if they couldn't sleep? Seriously. It's normal. Yes, you can teach him how to stay in there and learn to entertain himself or stay in be over time, but don't expect perfection. You are an adult and not perfect at anything either. In 6 months he'll be a very different child capability wise, and another 6 months after that, and so on. Be patient, put up the things (in a locked place) that he's not allowed to have that might be hurt/broken if he gets into them. Then choose small areas to train him in and work from there. He's 3, give him a lot of grace.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I'm saying it in love, though I sound a bit harsh. I've got 7 children and 5 are little boys (4 are age 4 and under right now). He sounds like a normal little boy trying to utilize the gifts God gave him (curiosity, need to touch things to learn). It's a pain now, but when he's older it will be an enormous gift if you let him develop. I promise.

And yes, I recognize there are real disorders out there, but people today are too quick to diagnose and label a young child for acting like a child (a bit foolish and a lot lacking in self control and patience). You're not a bad parent, he's not a bad little boy. You just both have a lot of learning and teamwork to do until he develops and grows up.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Doug Smith
SCM Team

Nicely said, Tristan.

And if you want a good book on boys, we highly recommend Raising Real Men by Hal and Melanie Young. It's easy to read, very insightful, and funny too.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Questa7
Member

Ack...I just typed a long post to you, and then my internet and computer both went down due to a temporary power outage. *sigh* I don't have the time or energy to retype the whole thing, so I will just try to summarize:

As the parent of a child with a serious disorder and some pretty strong delays and issues, it honestly scares me a bit to hear you talk about disciplining a child for what you would consider a disorder. A disorder is NOT the same thing as a bad habit; it is not something you can eradicate through punishment. If anything, mistakenly punishing a child for compulsive behavior usually only causes worse issues.

That being said, it doesn't sound to me like there is anything wrong with your child! If there is anything I have learned through years of experience with children (I was a music teacher before having my children), it is that young children experience the world through their bodies and their senses....and they are SUPPOSED to. Your son gets this....so celebrate it! If anything, your son sounds like he may be a little sensorily understimulated. So, help him out....give him sand to sift, dough to knead, rocks to run his fingers through, rice to play with, a tub of water outside so he can play with his boats and splash to his heart's content without getting in trouble, modelling clay and play doh EVERY DAY (seriously!), silks and felts and velcro to play with in his inside playtime. He sounds like a normal, happy little boy who is developing very normally but needs your help and input on his need to experience the world through his senses.

As I said, I have learned through parenting my DS that disorder "behaviors" are VERY different, and noticeably so, from "rebellion," "bad behavior," or any such. For instance, a temper tantrum and an autistic meltdown are NOT the same thing, although they may look the same to an outside observer. For one, you offer discipline; for the other, coping help and consolation. Now yes, there are going to be some things your child shouldn't touch....like light sockets and ammonia...but within reason, please do give him the leeway to experience the world as he so obviously needs to, and don't look at his need to touch as something that is wrong with him!

Please forgive me if this is a bit stringent; it is (obviously) something I feel strongly about. I am sure you are a wonderful parent to your son. You have observed his tendency...now you have the wonderful chance to use it to help him learn and grow as a whole person.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
faithjrny
Member

If you truly think there are some psychological issues going on, then you need to take him to someone for a specific diagnosis. Don't keep trying to guess. We did that with our oldest son, and he was 20 before we got a firm diagnosis (his problems did not start until age 13.) He has OCD, but it is not the end of the world. He was on meds for awhile, but does not like taking them. He is 23 now and living on his own. His worst enemy is depression, which is commonly associated w/ OCD. Your son does not really sound OCD. That's why guessing could do more harm than good. One of the things that is very, very important in all behavior issues is DIET. Please look at his diet. Feingold is a great place to start. My son does much better when his diet is cleaned up.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
amama5
Member

Just from the things you've said above, I wouldn't seek a diagnosis for several reasons, but the main one is just not to have him labeled at such a young age. There isn't really a purpose in it right now because I don't think he needs medication, counseling, etc. for the things you've listed. My daughter smells everything, and I mean everything like you said:) My other son is 4 and definitely has OCD in my opinion, but I don't need a doctor to tell me that. I have learned to still discipline though, but some things I have learned about him that it seems like he can't control until he's done the thing, for example: he HAS to make sure a door is shut, so the automatic doors at office buildings, grocery stores, etc. just drive him crazy because he tries to help them shut. He used to get in trouble for not coming immediately when I told him let's go, but I realized that he wasn't even listening a bit until his mind could see that door shut, then he can look at me and listen and he obeys just fine. My son also touches things the way you've described, and although yes he needs to explore the world, there are still boundaries in the world and in your home. I know what you mean that it's worth it to him to touch something anyways, and my son has gotten better about that, maybe yours will too.

I don't have as much experience as the others I know, but I still think you would be fine to train him to stay in his room and discipline for leaving the room when you've told him not to. That's a disobedience issue to me, not a curiosity issue. Several of my children would love to not take a nap/rest or stay in bed at nighttime, but it's not okay for them to wander the house. So that seems like an area to me that would be fine, but maybe I'm completely wrong.

Pray for widsom in what areas to let go, and which ones to enforce, etc.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
2flowerboys
Member

Sara you got some good advise!

Just wanted to say that he may be a normal 3yr old or not. As moms, we know when something is not right! I used to get told by family...oh, ds is normal..he is just a kid! And some still say that to me! But we live w/ them 24/7/365 and see every.little.thing that is well not so normal!!

When others may see him for just a couple of hrs and think..oh that is just a kid! True but they don't see it happening all.the.time...and see him freaking out over something...or can't control himself for a limited amt of time..etc..

My son has SPD and has OCD tendancies at times. He has probably had about 3-4 OCD moments a yr. Something throws him off sink...what he reads..thinks...whatever...and those moments can last 1-3 days!!! The OCD is a continuous worry to the point of melt down..not being able to function well for the worry.

Example: He has always read books full of info. He knew about germs already..But for some reason after reading an article on E-coli...he freaked out and began washing, washing, washing, his hands raw..he would not sleep, eat, no amt of praying w/ him, talking to him, explaining, reasoning w/him worked..he couldn't be distracted by t.v., games, outside, food, NOT ONE THING...This lasted for 24-36hrs. Thank goodness no longer! I held him, prayed w/ him and he just couldn't let go. He wanted to go wash his hands and feared he was going to die any minute...this is from a very intelligent boy..but for some reason his brain was not thinking clearly. I call that an OCD moment..no matter what anyone says!! NO, he is not OCD all.the.time. But he does have OCD moments! And it really freaks you out..cause nothing helps! Now, if he continues to do this weekly or monthly I would definitely be looking into taking him somewhere.

Have you considered SPD? Like someone mentioned, it sounds like he is understimulated. My ds is overstimulated.

A great place for a checklist is http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/

Here you will find the difference between over and under stimulated kids. As well as a checklist.

We did not go through proper evaluations. I dug deeper to find answers myself..because I knew..that something was not quite right!

And let me just say even w/ a SPD child, you have to discipline! Yes, it is their body/mind that they can't quite control...you give them tools to help them out...BUT you don't want to be lax all the time..because they know they can get away w/ things...the few SPD kids I know are very smart...my son is. Sometimes he even begs me to discipline him for he knows he has done wrong even when I feel it may because his SPD is adding to the situation.

Blessings!

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
LDIMom
Member

I think he needs more sensory stimulation from what you've shared here, BUT I agree with others that saying a child who has a disorder just needs discipline is not good advice. It is always best to talk to your child's doctor if you have any concerns. He or she can help you work though the concerns and decide if further testing or evaluation is needed. For children with things like ADHD and autism, sometimes medication is necessary and/or specific therapies can be very effective.

Having said that, as a parent of children with some differing abilities, I would suggest you at least consider an evluation for sensory issues, and an occupational therapist could help or possibly a developmental pediatrician. OR you could provide some more sensory stimulation (than you already are) and see what happens.

One of my sons needs to touch everything and it is definitely NOT normal, and he has not outgrown it. He still mouths objects and he is way past the age this is considered "normal." BUT we have found ways to help him get the sensory experiences he is seeking.

You might look into: sensory bins (just type in google and you'll get tons of ideas), sand table and/or tub (take it outside or put on a plastic tablecloth), taekwondo or other type of martial arts (REALLY, REALLY good for sensory-seeking children).

I hope this helps and hang in there. Your son sounds like an amazing and bright little boy!

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Sara B.
Member

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I know all the technical diagnoses of OCD involve "bad" things like fears, phobias, etc. But he tends toward fans, lights, and anything broken. :P He is obsessed with lights and fans and cannot forget when a light is burnt out (broken), a fan is off (we are finally moving past an off fan as broken), and when anything is broken or not right (things tipped instead of straight can sometimes be "broken" in his mind). His compulsion comes into play with buttons, light switches, and turning fans on. It's like he MUST touch those things - it's not something he seems able to control, even when we're literally pulling him away. Maybe it's not OCD, but then what *is* it? I did look up the symptoms of SPD and ODD - he is definitely not any of those that I can tell. We have thought about him being gifted, but sometimes he seems gifted, and other times he doesn't, so we're just not sure at this point.

At least I do know that he is very kinesthetic. I am going to look into sensory bins like you had suggested, LDIMom. Perhaps he is just heavily kinesthetic. We are new to raising a boy, as well (3 girls before we got our boy), so maybe we just don't know what we're doing. LOL Thank you again for all the suggestions. I have passed along this thread to my dh, and we'll be talking about it more and trying to figure out what to do with him. :)

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
chocodog
Member

I agree with 2flowerboys! She summed up what I wanted to say but didn't have time. I know he is only 3 but like she said, you are with them 24/7. You know them better than anyone else. You will see what is going on when no one else does.

   I was told by others mine was just a normal boy. But they didn't see him in "melt down mode". It also started about the age of 3.

   I totally agree with 2flowerboys. you must know when it is melt down or defiance. You must disapline for that reason to make sure he understands that it isn't acceptable behavior to Hit, throw things, punch, bite, ect.. but make sure you disapline in a loving manner.

   I am sure you have noticed something or you wouldn't have mentioned it here. Don't batter yourself up. This is real and you obvious have something that you know isn't right. I had people try to make me think I was wrong to feel the way I do. Then after tons of research and diagnosis and more research I am not feeling alone or nuts (so to speak).... I felt like I was loosing my mind at times because if there isn't something wrong with him then there must be something wrong with me for not be a good enough mother. I beat myself up for a few years. I hate to see someone else have to go threw what I did..... The self beat up game. You are strong. You are OK. You are a loving mother or you wouldn't seek help.

     May G-d Bless you and your family. May you know that you are not alone. Keep pressing on. G-d gave you that little boy because he knew you would stop at nothing to help him. It is a long journey but stay strong. You are the one that G-d gave him too. and there was a good reason.

    Feingold is a good start for a diet.

              Blessings!

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
2flowerboys
Member

He doesn't have to have everything in the checklist marked! If that helps any! He may have only slight SPD issues. It is possible! For my son had many of the overstimulation marked but not nearly all.

Also, it keeps developing at different stages of life. Think back to when he was a baby and see if there was anything "not right" As my ds got older, the SPD issues changed. It continues to change.

Also, SPD and OCD can go together. I just read from a poster on a forum that their son's doctor said her son had OCD w/ SPD. And that OCD is different in different kids. Not all OCD is the same. Like we see in the movies! Lock unlock lock unlock lock unlock doors etc

Does any of this sound familiar? Even if a few get checked off? And, some kids have things checked out of both under/over stimulation!!

2. Hyposensitivity To Touch (Under-Responsive):

__ may crave touch, needs to touch everything and everyone

__ is not aware of being touched/bumped unless done with extreme force or intensity

__ is not bothered by injuries, like cuts and bruises, and shows no distress with shots (may even say they love getting shots!)

__ may not be aware that hands or face are dirty or feel his/her nose running

__ may be self-abusive; pinching, biting, or banging his own head

__ mouths objects excessively

__ frequently hurts other children or pets while playing

__ repeatedly touches surfaces or objects that are soothing (i.e., blanket)

__ seeks out surfaces and textures that provide strong tactile feedback

__ thoroughly enjoys and seeks out messy play

__ craves vibrating or strong sensory input

__ has a preference and craving for excessively spicy, sweet, sour, or salty foods

Also, they make sensory products for both types The sensory tubs are a great idea!

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-integration-products.html

Then again, YOU know your child! :)

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Gem
Member

My good friend's son was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome - it is on the autism "spectrum." What you are describing sounds very much like him and light bulbs. Wikipedia describes it like this "People with Asperger syndrome often display behavior, interests, and activities that are restricted and repetitive and are sometimes abnormally intense or focused. They may stick to inflexible routines, move in stereotyped and repetitive ways, or preoccupy themselves with parts of objects.[27]" Yeah, I'd say that was about right. He drove his parents crazy with the light bulb fixation when he was that age - they eventually were able to come to a point where he could have a box of assorted light bulbs to keep and fool with in exchange for working on his obsessive light bulb attitude otherwise - like not being allowed to take lights apart in stores LOL and stuff like that. But it took a while to get to that point.

I always wished they would have embraced his interest and let him get into the science and mechanics of it all but they were very focused on the "behavioral problems" :/

Today he is a bright but challenging 13 yo - in a special Asperger's program at school, I think, still. He is extremely gifted verbally and has some of the typical asperger's challenges with social relationships.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post

RSS feed for this topic

12 Next »

Reply »

You must log in to post.