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taking some heat!

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Started 10 months ago by rbevans
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dealing with criticism

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rbevans
Member

has anyone experienced critisisms about homeschooling or more specificly CM schooling?

I really don't know how to handle it. my sister in law has decided that I am doing hurt to my DD6. based on how her own 6 year old is doing after public school kinder.   the comparissons are daunting. my niece is reading quite well understanding more complicated addition and subtraction. and has been taught to recite a lot of information. (countries, state/capitols cities. ect) .   I have really spent the last year searching and the last 6 months learning and trying Charlotte Mason. So my DD might not be reading at done with Kinder going into first grade level lol    but she is learnning about I CAN I OUGHT I WILL. and the importance of obedience, attentiveness, and honesty. (the three habits we are earnestly working on) so that being said....

I know I am preaching to the choir b/c you all will agree with me lol... it is just really hard to keep the wind in my sail when a little voice is making me doubt this path our family is on. I can tell her all day long that she is entitled to her opionions and move on , but at the end of the day... I feel the pressure to prove that this is the right way for us. lol that seams really silly to type out. b/c I know know know this is right!!!

Praying for that blanket of peace tonight. so tomorrow morning I wake up with renewed determination and dissipated self doubt.   and maybe not answer the phone the next time the sis in law calls. :P

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Tristan
Member

It's not easy when you have critical family. The only thing I would say is to let her know you're glad she loves your daughter and that you know she's speaking out of love and concern for her. With that said, make it clear that you've researched, worried, and prayed over this and are doing what you believe will be best for your particular child in the long run.

Will she listen and back off? Probably not. But in 5 years she'll hopefully see the 'proof in the pudding' and realize that there is not just one right way to teach or to learn.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
chocodog
Member

rbevans,

    I know what you mean. Sometimes it seems like the ps is learning more. I wonder sometimes how in depth their critical thinking is though. I do wonder things like that. I was secretly happy the other day when my son told me that one of his old classmates said she was going into the 6th Grade. She asked him a question and he answered it. Then, he asked her what 12 X 12 was and she couldn't answer it. He told her if she is in 6th grade she needs to know that..... Now, I do think that was wrong for him to compare. I think he was secretively wanting to know too. I think we all do compare whether we are hs or ps. Only for the fact that we want to know if what we are doing is good enough. I am sorry to hear that you had to family batter party. I think if she has a problem with a school issue you could always say, " I don't know, I don't have those kind of issues with my daughter. " beleive me they will come. Especially, when the kids get into trouble for something that you are teaching your child not to do. It may be a few years but you will clearly see the difference between your hs child and hers.

   I have friends that are amazed that my kids will do chores, ect... when they are told . I think that is the biggest thing that they have noticed. I can ask my child to do something that requires them to get something and help out. They seem to do it right away and the right way. (Now, this doesn't always seem this way to me.) LOL but people have told me this time and time again. I have seen some ps children not be able to do this. If they do it is a rare thing. They usually have to work on the Farm if they do. Some of our friends with ps children have been watching us and even though they opt out of hs they have seen the freedom we have with our kids. We can just pick up and go places and do things that they can't because they are tied to the ps system. In the end you will see your I can, I ought , I will work. Your sister-in-law will notice it too. It won't be a hard thing to miss :) Besides, comparing one child to another is not right. After all, some children are better at reading, others math, LA, Art, ect... If you are a hand do you want to be a foot???    I did have to explain that to my own son. He knew he just wanted to try for himself to see where he was.

                        Blessings!

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
clay1416
Member

Kindergarten, 1st grade, these are the honeymoon of the public school. Wait until 3rd, 4th grade comes. It's an accumulative process and you will see that you are doing the right thing. What has helped me with those comments is reading the books by Dr. Raymond Moore and his wife. I would recomend "Better Late than early" it might be a little old but I'm sure the information they talk about in the book still holds true.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
LDIMom
Member

I know just how you feel. I find myself getting into these discussions at time. Just tonight, my sister, who btw doesn't criticize but I do think she feels PS is superior to HS, but anyway, she is telling me how her son (same age as my oldest son) is taking Geometry next year in 8th grade and how he made "straight As in high-school level Algebra last year in 7th grade, only 23 kids were chosen for the class" etc. Here I am swallowing my pride knowing how much our 12YO son is struggling with fractions and how 13YO DS is just now beginning to do some Algebra, but at the end of the day I do feel I know what our children understand (and what they don't) concerning math concepts. I'm not saying my sister doesn't, but she puts a WHOLE LOT of weight into the report card. And we all know children still graduate high school being illiterate. Happens every day across the nation, so I just don't think the report card is the be all, end all of saying what a child knows (or doesn't).

I think the key is being confident in the calling you are in, and just trying (as hard as it is) to not get into these discussions at all. I struggle with that myself, just not knowing what to say when it comes up.

And if it makes you feel any better, my two new 1st graders are just beginning to read. Well, DD is reading well, but lacks confidence in reading books with more than a few lines per page (not sure how to move out of the easy readers). But DS, 7, is just now reading C-V-C words, but I am so proud of him b/c it has been a long road to get to this point. He has speech delays, one-sided deafness, and he just has worked hard to get here.

They are adding, but not w/out using their fingers or the abacus or counters. Subtraction some for DD, but not DS yet. I guess in the end I think they are just 6 and 7. Why the rush?

I was thinking as my sister told me about the why behind her son taking 9th grade high school level Algebra in 7th grade, "But DH didn't and he obtained a Civil Engineering degree? Why the push?" But I didn't say it. My DH took Calculus in high school and college and obtained a minor in math and that CE degree with honors, and he didn't take high school level math courses until high school!

I just don't think the push is all that necessary, though many schools (and parents) seem to think it is the best way to teach now. I know quite a few PS teachers, who are personal friends of mine, who do NOT think the push for teaching more (notice I didn't say learning) earlier is a good thing. Many of them feel it is a bad shift in education (or at least several that I know of do).

Hang in there and just trust in what you know to be true and right for YOUR family and children.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Jennifer
Member

Hi, just wanted to add a little encouragement from our experience. We have always homeschooled. My daughter was not really reading when she finished Kindergarten while her friends at private school could. She was able to sound out three letter words but was completely intimidated with reading a story or book even with very few words on the page. First grade reading was going soooo sloooow. Then suddenly, about 3/4 of the way through 1st grade, she just took off! Now she is reading voraciously (she will begin 2nd grade this fall). She had a friend over a few weeks ago who will be going into 3rd grade in a local College Prep Private school. This friend picked up an easy book to read to my younger son, and after laboring through a page and a half decided to stop reading. While my daughter may have been "late on the scene" compared to her peers, she reads with expression, chooses to write on her own, and has developed artistic skills I have not seen in others her age.

All this to say, your child is an individual. We all develop at different rates and excel at different things. That may be something to point out to your relative. You may even say that with homeschooling we are able to individualize our student's education and teach him what he is ready for when he is ready for it.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Doug Smith
SCM Team

None of us will every be content if we compare our children (or oursleves!) with others. That's just a huge setup for failure and disappointment. Even if two children are doing the exact same curriculum and activities they will perform differently. It's because they are different human beings!

The beauty of homeschooling is that we can tailor an education for each of our children's individual personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. In the long run, that's way more beneficial than having everyone try to conform to the same, lowest-common-denominator mold of the classroom.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
suzukimom
Member

I do agree with Doug - but also have to admit that it can be hard not to compare - especially when there is a nearby family member of a similar age!

My son and grandson are the same age, and are in the same "grade". On top of it, last year, we had our grandson over one night a week so he could do cubs - so I had to help him with his homework!

So... things I noticed with the 2 kids...

- They seem similar with reading (both struggling a little)... now mind you, that was English Reading - my grandson is in French immersion...

- My grandson has done more in math (we started at the beginning with a new program last September...) - BUT, wasn't any better at addition/subtraction facts....

- My grandson can spell a LOT better - but then, we haven't done any spelling yet....

Those were the main areas...

However....

My grandson was being bullied by older girls, who physically assaulted him. He was constantly put down by his teacher, and was humiliated in front of his class, and had a note taped to his wrist daily, about him not having his backpack with some things, like his planner, for a week (it was left at our house...). The school was all on his mom about putting him on meds (he has ADHD) - which she wouldn't. He spent many recesses/lunch inside as punishments..... He also needed to get up very early... and often has a half hour to an hour of homework. The month of June, they were living at our house - and he was starting to really envy my son and daughter because of the homeschooling. There wa a couple of days that he missed school (not from being sick - but from moving etc...) - so I made them all sit and do a bit of school.... I made him do his page of cursive writing (it was homework every day for him) - and my kids did copywork. He was upset they had only a couple of lines to do.... Then we played a math card game, and did a few other things.

Anyway - yes, it is hard not to compare - and I do it.... - but just don't! And yes - K and grade 1 for most kids is a honeymoon period of school. There is not as much work, a lot more fun, etc. But at some point, you are likely to start hearing some of the downside... problems with kids doing this or that. problems with a teacher. Or maybe things will be "perfect" there forever.... Do what is best for you.

My husband and I get a LOT of flack from family about homeschooling. Most of our extended family thinks we are nuts, and some think we are ruining our kids. As years are going by, we are hearing less of it... at least from some of the family. I was fortunate to have one thing happen this year, just before a rough period in our homeschooling.... my brother-in-law came to visit (he and my sister live in a different province.) He spent a few hours at our house, and while here, I showed him some of the work my kids had done in school so far this year. He was singing praises of my kids right to my face. How well they behaved, the school work they had done, etc. He also sang the praises later to my mom and sister, etc. Boy, did I need that!

I know I'm blabbering on - just know that by homeschooling you can do things that work best for YOUR kids. Over time, people WILL notice. Doing direct comparisons can make you feel bad, or can make you feel an almost unrightous pride (depending on how you feel things measure up) - so do your best not to compare! Just watch for growth and improvement!

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
jmac17
Member

The type of people who are going to compare, will compare their kids with yours no matter what you do. If it's not about academics, it will be something else.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. Both of my kids so far have been reading fluently by age 4. Their play includes quizzing each other in math all the time. And yet others still find ways to be critical of our homeschooling. Someone at church told me once that I had "done a real disservice to my daughter by teaching her to read early. Now she is not going to fit in with her peers." As if I could have stopped DD from teaching herself to read early. I didn't push, I didn't even really encourage, I just provided her with what she asked for. And who cares whether she 'fits in' anyway?

Just to be clear, I'm definitely not trying to brag on my children, simply to show that all children are different and will learn at their own pace and in their own way, regardless of how they are schooled. I'm sure there are students in your SIL's child's class at PS that don't read yet at the end of kindergarten either. There are HS kids that excel, and ones that don't. The comparison means nothing. My kids also all cut their teeth early, but walked later than my sister's kids. Woo Hoo, who cares? We could go on comparing all day. It's just how they developed. Provide the best atmosphere for learning that you can, focus on what your children need at any given time, and don't worry about it.

My favourite response to the critics is something I heard on one of the forums or groups I'm on. Maybe this one? Anyway, they called it the 'bean dip' response. When someone criticizes or asks questions that you know are just meant to make homeschooling look bad, just say something like this: "Thanks for your concern. We are confident in the decisions we have made for our family. Could you please pass the bean dip?" (In other words, end the discussion and change the topic, then walk away if you need to.)

Joanne

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Sara B.
Member

Like others have said, it's the long run that counts. My oldest is entering 4th grade now, and she is miles ahead of her peers. My 2nd is entering 3rd and is finally caught up to peers, but I have no doubt she is going to run now that she can read relatively well. My 3rd is starting 1st grade a year early. And my 3yo, too, is ahead of peers. And I attribute it all to finding the CM method early on (earlier with the youngest 2). They are all learning at their own speed, which with most happens to be faster than the traditional schools. Nothing wrong with that - I'm just glad they're not being held back just because they are in a class with kids who don't learn as fast (or pushed too fast in the case of my 2nd)! My family no longer questions (or at least not much - they've turned their attention to high school, which is still several years away). They can see it's working - or *something* is working. ;) Stay the course, you will be proven in time.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Janell
Member

I agree with you, Doug, because I am an identical twin. We assess our children with themselves and never against another person. I want my children to do their personal best.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
nebby
Member

I think people's criticisms are often more about their own insecurities than what is going on with you. Try not to take it too personally.
Nebby
http://www.lettersfromnebby.wordpress.com

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Evergreen
Member

Having had two children go mostly through the public school system, I really get those comparisons and I have received that comparison and judgment from others. But I also have been given the gift of seeing both choices from the inside, and firmly believe that while ps kids may be ahead in certain areas at certain grades - because that's what's pushed - it is a big trade-off. In our experience, K-1 students and their parents can be made to feel awful if the child isn't reading by age 6, and family and free time after school was traded for homework. Kids were expected to write, write, write, using inventive spelling, with emphasis on quantity rather than quality at an early age. Large projects were are assigned and often completed by parents, and by middle school, the culture was peer driven, the family dropped dramatically in importance and influence, and the love of learning was mostly gone. Kids were already tracked in terms of what they were good at, and knew all too well what they weren't "smart" in.

We have been able to contrast that with our younger children who were schooled together from the earliest grades. My boys couldn't read until they were 7, but knew how to listen to a good chapter book, and could discuss it. I remember looking at my (then) wiggliest guy, who had been off-the-wall bouncy at 6, standing on his head and reading Jack London in 3rd grade, and thinking, "this is why I homeschool;" he had had the time and room to learn to read when he was ready, and loved it. I understand that each child is different, but I love that this child's spark has not gone out, and that at 14, he writes ballads for fun, composes music, loves math, discusses and debates theology and loves rowing and ultimate frisbee. He hasn't been squeezed into a mold, was never labelled ADHD and has settled into himself as a calm thinker, and is still a pleasure to be around. This was not our earlier experience with the teen years and school socialization and learning. You are giving your children the gift of a methodology that respects their personhood, allows them space and time to grow and learn from the world around them, and those very important CM principles you mentioned. Rest assured, mama, you are doing good work, whether or not everyone around you agrees.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Sue in MN
Member

The whole essence of the public school is about group pressure to achieve, conform etc. They have to keep the group together because they are teaching a group. They have to meet certain standards in order to get money and prestige etc.

Why did you decide to homeschool? Did you want something different?

Decide why you are homeschooling and tell your relatives that they may not discuss this subject with you any more. If you've made your decision then don't let them steal your peace. Homeschooling is different because you choose what to emphasize and when, not someone else, not a committee. Sometimes other homeschoolers will even criticize your choices. You have to guard your garden from those who will try to plant weeds in it.

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
Evergreen
Member

I don't know if you'd find it as helpful as I did, but Seasons of a Mother's Heart, a devotional by Sally Clarkson, was instrumental in helping me to clarify my motivation for homeschooling, and I got a great deal of inspiration and support from that little book. I often recommend it to other homeschooling moms, and I think I could do with reading it again every few years as well!

Posted 10 months ago # Report Post

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