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Question for other moms of special needs kids

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Started 9 months ago by Questa7
Latest reply from Questa7

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Questa7
Member

I hope I can word this question to communicate what I need it to. :) As most of you probably know, my five year old DS has SPD with associated language and fine motor delays. I am entering my "formal" homeschooling this year with a combined CM/Waldorf approach.

Both CM and Waldorf heavily promote keeping formal lesson time very limited, especially at the early age of five, and providing plenty of time for child-directed stimulating play, nature exploration, etc. But here is my problem. Despite the fact that I have always provided plenty of high-quality play materials (shells, rocks, beads, blocks, vehicle sets, playhouses, loads of art supplies, etc.), DS seems to have very little ability to self-direct in his play. Any free time inevitably turns into self-stimulation (running and shouting aimlessly through the house, or, outside, endless digging in the dirt.)

I strongly believe in the concept of child-directed creative play, but can't seem to help him get there. He gets bored VERY fast. He will work with his art supplies for ten minutes at a time before running off and spiralling into his stimming patterns. He doesn't build with blocks or mega-blocks (his delayed fine motor skills frustrate him); he dumps them all on the floor, and moves on. So, for the sake of his developmental/educational well being, I find myself CONSTANTLY directing him, telling him what to do, moving him from activity to activity, reading to him, coloring WITH him, trying to build with him, doing puzzles with him, etc. And any time that I am not actively engaged with him is completely unproductive for him...and often actually counter-productive.

Is anyone else with an SPD or autistic child experiencing this? I so want to see DS engaged in happy, solitary, creative play, but at this point I don't see how to make it happen. And I am starting to worry that the opposite extreme (constant direction) may be stifling to him too.

I hope this makes sense. Please help if you have any suggestions! TIA!

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
Tristan
Member

I don't have experience with a child like this but have you looked at setting up workboxes to help him be more self-directed? Basically, you would give him a set of play activities to do and as he does them he would move a velcro number or picture from the bin to a card marking it finished. When his card is filled up he's done for the day. You could mix in breaks, snacks, etc by having a card for each. There are lots of alternatives to the traditional shoeboxes for containers, so don't let her original idea limit you there. We've used shoeboxes on a rack, magazine holders on a shelf, and hanging folders in a crate before. All were great ways to lead my children to working a few things more independently because it was simply 'do the next thing'.

If you need more information or examples google "workboxes special needs" and you'll come up with a ton of ideas. Or just PM me.

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
Evergreen
Member

When my youngest DS arrived home from Korea at age 3, he was nonverbal, didn't know how to play and was prone to engaging in repetetive activities. While his language and social interactions improved as time went on, it was a number of years before he understood how to play in a "normal" way. His favorite thing to do was to lay on the ground and push a car in front of his face, or a toy train. I brought out a dollhouse and tried to teach him to play family, etc, but he only wanted to push the car in and out of the garage and open and shut the garage door. When outside, he just walked the perimiter of the yard endlessly, looking down at his feet as he went.

I did end up having to have very scheduled time for him during school hours (even up to age 7 or so), and would have to tell him things like, "now it is time for pattern blocks," or large floor puzzle or playdough, etc. Sometimes I could enlist another child to work with him, though I don't know if you have that option. I also set aside some time each day to play with him in a creative way, but my other kids were admittedly the best therapists we had in terms of getting him to play creatively when his other options were taken away. I made a rule that during school time, the toys he tended to stim with had to be put away, and after school time, he could play with his trains and cars. I felt he needed some downtime to engage in those activities that relaxed him, but it couldn't be to the point of excluding the activities he needed to develop and grow - which it would have been without redirection and rules.

I reasoned that contented solitary play comes later and because of early life events, this little guy was delayed in this area, as yours is for his own reasons. It helped me to look at my son both as a much younger child in terms of my expectations, and to look at this scheduled time during the school day not as stifling, but as theraputic. My son has come a long way from those days, and while each child has their own special needs, I am sure your son will get to the point of solitary play - in his own way, in his own time.
Blessings,
Aimee

You've probably already read The Out of Synch Child and the Out of Synch Child Has Fun, but if not, those might have some ideas.

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
lemontea
Member

What about alternating the concentration and fine motor skill learning with active movements (using it almost like a reward). Perhaps 10 minutes of lesson time, then 20 jumping jacks. When one of my children was learning addition, for example, we would do one math problem at a time -- then she could run up/back our short hallway... as she got older I would ask her to do two problems first, and so on. To keep it fresh, we alternated between the short run, jumping jacks, pushups and other things she enjoyed.

Two items that helped us were a mini-trampoline (used in the above scenario) and an exercise ball. The ball was used for one child to sit on, since she just couldn't sit still. Being able to "rock" as she sat helped. One of my children still, to this day, has a hard time concentrating on school work -- books of any form. But if I read to her and give her a "fidget" item -- coloring, puzzles, etc -- it helps. But I have to go in short burst or she gets distracted and starts imagining stories with the items, LOL.

One more thing that really helps is making the school work into a game. For us, we create our own file folder games using a favorite stuffed animal, book or cartoon character, then drawing, cutting out or finding clipart of that character (or characters) to use on our game board. The gameboard path can be made with shape stickers. Small playing pieces can be made -- or use a race car, or My Little Pony, etc. There are lots of websites and email lists that give great ideas or even have games all ready to print. Have a few "question squares" (or different colored spaces) where you use a game card (flashcards, or homemade question or skill cards..... such as "cut out a star") -- ANYTHING you want to make the game to be. One of my children STILL learns faster this way rather than traditional drilling and repetition with her math.

Every child is different, but I hope some of these ideas help!

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
lemontea
Member

I forgot to add that a timer can be fun for some children -- set it for 10 minutes of the concentration activity, then 5 to mintes for the "break". After they build their concentration skills, start increasing the concentration time by very small increments.

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
tlm123
Member

Hi

I have a 10 yr old boy with SPD, diagnosed at 6. I am feeling your frustration! I started homeschooling after learning of his SPD in his first grade year at public school. I know this may be hard for you (it was for me) but realizing that the running, moving, digging is actually soothing to him and he needs it may help. My son could swing or bounce forever on one of those bouncy balls with a handle. If he can do something for 10 minutes that is a long time for him to be still. My son has to pace constantly and talk and just MOVE all the time. If he can't he will act out or misbehave. I can see it coming a mile away! He is just getting to the point where he recognizes it in himself and knows what he needs to settle down a little.

I had to learn to ease up a little. At 5 or 6 or even 7 he may not be ready for much. My son really didn't start to play on his own until maybe 8 or 9. He still cannot do school work without my sitting with him and being very specific. My teaching style, of being super organized and scheduled, did not work with SPD. What I did and still do is short lessons (even as short at 5 minutes) then something stimulating and soothing for him. For my son it was the bouncy ball or the trampoline or digging as well. I don't try to do many lessons in a day. At 10 he is doing maybe 3-4 subjects a day with a total of about 2 hours. Focus can be hard for SPD kids and fine motor skills take time and growth. At 6 my son could barely write; now he writes his own stories. His handwriting isn't great but I don't focus on that right now because his hands still cramp up and I don't want to squash his love for writing.

Take your time, don't worry too much, and keep it simple. Use what he likes and try to turn it into a teaching moment. Use the digging in the dirt to learn about rivers, dams, water. Reading to him is a great thing as well. Try reading to him while he is doing something else like coloring. I know my son had a lot (I mean A LOT!) of problems with transitioning from one thing to the next. So that is why we only do 3-4 subjects or activities a day, maybe even less than that. Maybe you could try fewer subjects or projects. One last thing, remember that what may be unproductive to an adult may be a learning experience for a child.

Hope it helps.

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
tlm123
Member

One other thing...for my son a timer did not work. Because he hated transitioning and had severe anxiety issues a timer or timed tests made him freeze up and do very badly. I have always had to tell my son "this is what we are doing now, this is what we will be doing next or this will be coming up" but I don't use timers cause they freak him out. You will learn, if you haven't already, what his triggers are and what helps him. I learned a great deal from my son's occupational and physical therapists and from reading a great deal about SPD.

Good luck!

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
Sue
Member

At age 5, if he works with his art supplies for 10 minutes before stimming, that's probably tremendous for your child. My son used to sit and rock when he needed to, and frequently. I have read (or been told) that stimming is really a response to an overwhelming world full of too many things he can't control. The repetetive, highly active stimming helps them to focus their thoughts, feelings, senses into one repeated set of motions and leaves them feeling that they are controlling something, especially their bodies. It also allows my son to temporarily shut out the many sensory goings-on in his world. This is what he has described to me....it's been a long time coming, since he couldn't tell me why he did what he did when he was younger.

My son also banged his head quite a bit. He doesn't do it often anymore, but when he was younger--wow! We were worried about his poor head. I read in one book (don't remember which one) that the author said both she and her son had sensory issues, and they often suffered pain (headaches, migraines, joint pain, etc.) from the overwhelming noise that was really just everyday noise to most of us. Her son banged his head often and she came to realize that it was really the pain of banging his head that helped to shut out the pain of the sensory disorder.

For my son, time has been a big help and a big healer. When I would look at his progress over a school year or just several months, it was hard to see much, especially in the early years. But looking back from age 13 to those early years, I see tremendous growth. Is he "caught up" to his same-aged peers in everything? No, in most things he's still "young" and in a few things he's far from 13. But, having wondered if he would ever read beyond sounding out C-V-C words, I am thrilled to see and hear him reading a simple book about the history of NASCAR or tackling Henry and Ribsy a few pages at a time.

I would be patient, very patient with your son. Give him direction often, praise him often, and slowly you'll be able to stretch out the self-directed play times. Oh, and did I mention that my sister stopped buying my son Hot Wheels racing sets as gifts because she was so frustrated that he kept taking them apart and just playing with pieces of track in no way related to cars or racing? I have discovered that, over the years, he just liked to have odd pieces of toys he would carry around, and slowly he began to tell me what he had decided they were used for. (Maybe one day, a piece of track was a telephone; another day, it was part of a fence to keep zoo animals inside.) He still drags around "pieces-parts" of toys, but if you ask him, he'll tell you what their purpose is for this moment.

Oh, and this past Christmas, his dad finally bought him a terrific Hot Wheels set that has six lanes and lets him set up six cars that race downhill and the electronic finish line tells you the winner. He plays with that thing for a good 20 minutes at a time, keeps track of which cars are eliminated, determines a grand prize winner, then folds up the set and stores it away all by himself. Never thought I'd see that! There is hope, and progress is measured in small units over longer time periods with these kids.

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
clay1416
Member

great advice you here Questa7! even I can use a lot of it! :) My cousin once laughted at me and said that I was crazy cause I was the only mom in the world he had heard telling her kid to stop staring and to start playing with his toys. Yep, that's me. When it's play time you will hear me every 5 minutes "play!" redirectig him...and it helps for a while. he is doing so much better than a year ago so I know there is hope! but for our children changes takes time! I need to remind myself that sometimes "slow is fast enough"
TLM123 said it right, even if it looks like crazy behavior for us they ARE learning in their own unique way.
Thanks to all the moms who are ahead of us for telling us how your kids are doing now and their advances! it gives me hope...some nights (like tonight) I feel like I'm getting nowhere. But there is hope!

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post
Questa7
Member

Wow....I hardly know what to say. What amazing responses, just at a time when I was feeling really discouraged. You guys have encouraged me more than you know. Sometimes I so desperately need to hear from someone who has been there, done that, and come out on the other side more or less okay. :)

A few quick responses to some of the things mentioned...I googled "special needs workboxes", and you're right...there is so much out there! Thank you! I will be spending some more time on this later today.

Transitions are hard for us, too. This has improved somewhat in the year and a half we have been gluten-free, but we're still working on it.

The alternating activities is a great idea, which I do try to implement but need to do more of...so thank you for reminding me. Also the mini-trampoline. We really need one of those; our house is not huge, and the weather seems to always be either stiflingly hot or storming, which makes it hard to get outside to run.

The ideas for games, using his tendencies to teach, etc....ALL were helpful.

Thanks again.

And clay1416...I know what you mean. Sorry you were having a rough night. And I am so that mother too! It's so funny because so few people understand how much we "need" our children to play!

Posted 9 months ago # Report Post

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