Every once in awhile my dh drops the bomb and says how he'd like to see our kids (especially our oldest) experience ps or prv. school. He'd like to see him/them experience classroom kids/friends/kids their own age/sports/and just the plain old "school" experience. He's not worried about them academically at home, but socially. He's worried that our oldest will not have a circle of friends or friends to have at his parties/wedding or whatever. He wants to "see" what kind of grades they would actually get and not just have me say what I think but how they really stack up against other kids, etc. He's worried about the loneliness that our oldest experiences sometimes and what seems like the lack of friends he does have (he has about 4 kids that he calls friends, but their not all in the same circle). He feels his kids (esp. our oldest) are going to resent us for not allowing them to exp. ps or something like that. Anyway, he brought this up last night about ps/pr. school and wants me to start looking into it. Of course I went online and read about transitioning and found alot of articles I've read before (lots of pros/cons of hsing in the first place, etc) thinking that I'd better get prepared.
I think one thing that worries me (among others) is that if my dc ever were to go to ps/pr.s I have not prepared them enough in certain areas. I know, that's pride on my part, but I don't want to be one of those hs stats that say how behind hsers are in their writing skills and science (which are almost always mentioned as where some hs families are weak). We do need to work on those areas and I have plans for the coming years, but I can't do that if they're not with me.
Whenever this gets brought up I always feel so out of sorts. I don't feel like I can plan or anything. It's very depressing to me for people (like my dh) to not be able to see all of the wonderful things our kids are able to take part in outside the home and what they have offered inside. Sending them to ps will take much more away than what they will receive by going there. Plus, my ds may find it just as hard to make friends (true friends) in a ps setting all the while missing out on the activities he enjoys in our community. All in the name of reaching for something that may not be there anyway...know what I'm saying?? I think it would create more of a dependency on other kids (my ds already went through that in our hs group) for self-worth than he already has. He has worked really hard to understand that he is worthy because of Christ, not because of if some kids want to hang with him or not. I feel like my dh wants to take him back to that place, as if not having exp. that "circle of friends" is the ultimate goal and without it you have missed out. That saddens me so much and cheapens what my ds has accomplished. It elevates the artificial experience (and memories, I suppose) over what's really important (to me, anyway).
As my head was reeling, I did ask him about putting our ds in the community college or other classes so he can be in a "classroom" setting and get the feel for campus life. He liked that idea and seemed open to explore it further.
This is one of those areas that we can not have both ways. Either they go to school or their home schooled. And with either decision there are lifestyle changes that can not be ignored, and he gets that, to a degree. I tried to explain that making that kind of decision is not just cut and dry, it's completely life changing (he looked at me like I was crazy and actually said, "You act like I said I was leaving you.") Well, to me, it's a blow to something that I thought we were on the same page about. Awhile back I might have told people that I thought of homeschooling one year at a time, but now I guess I see it for the long haul and am not really wanting to give my dc up. I always thought I'd be okay with highschool (private, maybe) but to see my ds nearing that age/grade I can't really see him there. On one hand, I see him as being so much further ahead mentally, on the other hand, I see him getting caught up in things (misguided) by wanting to fit in. He even admits that he wasted a good portion of last year trying to fit in with some kids from our hs group. He recognized that they weren't really his friends and that he needs to focus on his own goals. He has felt good about himself for putting himself before just hanging out. Hope that doesn't sound arrogant, it's not meant to be. He just spent alot of time on people who really have their own circle and he's not really in it.
I don't even know if any of this makes sense and I don't know what I'm even asking for. Just pray for me and my family. I will do as my dh asks and let him decide but it will not be easy. We certainly can't afford pr. school and I really do not want my dc to go to our ps high school. I know some families within our group that have transitioned to ps/pr.school and I have asked them about their exp. and that has been helpful, but then again, we all have our own personal goals.
If you have made it through this depressing rant, I commend you. If you have words of wisdom or encouragement, I could use some.
