SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   LindseyD.
   Member

   I've been wanting to ask this question for some time now, but I haven't had the courage yet. 

   Am I the only one who doesn't enjoy playing with her kids???

   Now, allow me to explain. It's not that I don't enjoy my children. I LOVE homeschooling, reading good books, allowing them to "help" me cook/clean. I don't like playing with them at all. I feel so guilty every time one of them asks me to play because I almost always say no. If they were asking me to read a book, I would immediately say yes. I just don't like getting in the floor and playing cars or superheros or stuffed animals. I know, I'm probably going to be considered a horrible mother whose actions will have major psychological consequences on her children (tongue in cheek).

   So am I alone in this? 

   Am I supposed to suck it up, allow all the things around the house to go undone, and play superheroes?

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
2. 

   Kristen
   Member

   I don't think you are alone at all!  I will play with my kids occasionally but not as often as they would like me too.  I always am thinking about the other stuff I could be doing . . .  Sometimes I do enjoy playing a game with them or coloring, but mine don't ask me to play cars or superheros or stuff like that. 

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
3. 

   Hope
   Member

   You are definitely not alone.  There are things I enjoy doing with them, but playing on the floor with cars, trains, etc. is not fun to me.  I do it occasionally, but usually I leave that to them or their daddy.  There are other things though that I enjoy doing with them, so I don't think it's a bad thing that I don't play like that all that much.  The "play" I do with them are things like reading books, going on walks, cooking with them, exploring new places like a museum or the zoo, teaching them new songs, and so on.

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
4. 

   memomo7
   Member

   Funny thing...I was just thinking about this the other day...how I really don't play "house" with my little girls or Legos with my boys.  Do I think I'm a bad mother?  No, not really.  My kids play together amongst themselves most of the time and seem to have lots of fun.  I'm almost always available to read a book or even play a game, but "down on the floor, pretend play" is just not my thing.  So, no, you're not alone and I'm sure our children will be just fine.  :) 

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
5. 

   Rene
   Member

   I don't play pretend with my girls.  I do play board games with them occasionally.   I also have "Mother/Daughter" time one on one with each of them about every other week.  I wake one of them up much earlier than the other two and we make muffins, have tea and watch a netflix movie.

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
6. 

   TX-Melissa
   Member

   You are so not alone. Unfortunately I have an only child and my husband has been deployed, so I can really give myself major guilt trips over this. But I remind myself that there are things we do enjoy together like playing board or card games and reading great books together. And I adore studying with him (homeschooling). I just don't enjoy the pretend play (super heroes, monster trucks, Army battles, etc...) I often have to remind him that someone has to pay the bills, cook the dinner, etc... And that someone is me. Another thing he really misses with dad gone is wrestling and rough-housing. I just can't do that. I will endure about a minute of tickle time each day, but that's all I can take of that. The best I can do since he has no siblings to play with is get out as often as we can to play with other kids. I'm so glad you mentioned this so I can stop with the guilt trips, already!

   Melissa

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
7. 

   my3boys
   Member

   You are not alone.  I have 3 boys and don't get the whole "army guys, pretend fighting, dinosaurs, cars thing," either...I love to read, play boardgames, go for walks, museums, homeschooling activities (of course), bath time, etc., but I just can't stand playing imaginative games. My middle boy (8) is totally into that kind of thing and I just cringe when he asks me to play.  He knows when I fudge something that that's my way of saying that I really don't like to play that kind of thing and he "reluctantly" lets me off the hook.  I do have guilt, though.  I hate the idea of waking up one day and him not asking me and me asking him and him saying "No," like my oldest has come to do.  He used to ask me, too, but doesn't anymore.  We do other things, but not those kind of things.  So...I do give in to him (8yo) at times so I don't have regrets in the future, but if it's not that it will be something else, right??

   I just know that this boy will always remember that I did not play with him like he wanted me to so I'm trying, but man is it hard:)

   gotta go, may add more later:)

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
8. 

   LindseyD.
   Member

   Well first of all, I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Second of all, and this is especially to encourage you my3boys, I have a lot of memories of my parents doing many things wrong, but not one of those memories consists of them not playing with me. And I honestly don't have one memory of either of my parents every playing with me (other than my dad rough-housing, which I hated). I remind myself of that--that my kids probably aren't going to grow up and resent me for not playing pretend or cars with them.

   I am glad that you all enjoy the same types of things with your kids that I do with mine, i.e. museums, reading, occasional board games, school time, etc. That really encourages me. 

   By the way, Rene, I love what you do with your girls early in the morning. That reminds me of something my mom used to do with me. She'd wake me up in the middle of the night, make Oreos and milk for us, and we'd eat them together at the kitchen table with just the oven light on. Then she'd put me back to bed. That is one of the cherished memories that I do have of my mom. I may have to continue the tradition...
   Lindsey

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
9. 

   Misty
   Member

   Oh you are SO NOT alone.  We have 6 beautiful children.  I wont repeat what many said.. I love those things also.  But the down in the dirt, playing is just not my cup of tea.  I also, have to remember to decided what's important and that's why I have set the past 3 summers every Tues as a playdate with other families and every other Thurs we do an outing.  This is just what we need and it's good for them and me.

   I hope you now know youare not alone. Misty

   Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
10. 

    MamaSnow
    Member

    I would have to say ditto to what everyone has said.  While I DO make the effort to spend time with my kids (reading and other school activities, outings, helping in the kitchen, family game nights, etc)  I don't really "play" much with them either.  They are getting valuable, one-on-one time with me through those other types of activities and I think that is the main thing - I am taking the time to build relationships with them.  What that looks like is going to look different for everyone I think.  And one really nice side-benefit of the fact that I have never really been my kids' 'playmate' is the fact they they are really quite good at entertaining themselves and play well alone or together.  They are not always looking to me to be their source of entertainment and I rarely have to deal with "mommy, I'm bored, what can I do?"  (My oldest is almost 5).

    Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
11. 

    lgeurink
    Member

    I remember asking my mom to play Barbies with me when I was little and she said, very nicely, that mom's don't play Barbies anymore.  My mother was a fabulous mother and I never felt like she didn't want to be with me and she worked full time.  I think of that when my girls want to play something that I don't want to play.  I spend all day with them and do far more with them than my mom was able to do with me.  I am guessing when they get older and socialize with more kids whose mothers were not home with them, they will know how fortunate they are.  The devil LOVES to use guilt on us moms, tell him to get behind you as you pursue what God has called you to with your children.  God Bless

    Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
12. 

    my3boys
    Member

    Thanks for the encouragement LindseyD.  I guess I am more concerned over how I will feel in the future than if my kids will have horrible memories, but really, my 8yo is the type that would bring this kind of thing up in the future:)

    I don't like the guilt I feel and in the past my husband use to tell me that some day they're going to stop asking, so I guess I've got it coming from both sides:)  He's always been the playful parent, not a pushover, but playful.  I am thankful for that for my kids, but I'm also very aware of the fact that I provide for their needs in other areas that he would not want to do on a daily basis. Now that I think of it, it used to be that he was always the playful one, but since this economy has hit and he's a little more stressed I've been a little more relaxed and playful, go figure. 

    I will try to get over the guilt and lucky for me my husband has let up on it.  I know that my kids are well taken care of and loved tremendously.  And as far as possessions go, my kids have more than my husband, his bro. and my 2 sisters had combined.  We're not rich or anything, but far better off than our parents were. In that respect, I feel no guilt:) 

    I guess I just saw myself as a more playful parent before I had my blessings.  I'm definitely more of a manager, unless we're talking camping, board games, reading, etc.,  then I'm there...

    Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
13. 

    Esby
    Member

    I don't play with my kids (except occassional card games, board games, word games, jigsaw puzzles) and my parents didn't play with me either. But here's the funny thing, my parents play with the grandchildren. My dad has passed away, but I'll never forget how he got on the floor to play toys with his grandchildren. My siblings and I wondered who that man was, lol!

    I played with my neices and nephew when they were little and the aunts, uncles, and older cousins willingly play with my kids now. I don't know if this is typical in all families, but it is fun to notice how we fill our different roles in the family. I don't play house or cars with my kids, but I might be persuaded by a future grandchild to do so, should I be so lucky. :)

    Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
14. 

    LindseyD.
    Member

    My older child is 6; the younger one just turned 5. They play very well together, most of the time.

    lguerink, you are absolutely correct that this guilt is coming from the enemy himself. I just have to keep myself in check. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the devil bringing guilt on you and conviction from the Holy Spirit. But, since it is most definitely guilt, and guilt is NOT from the Lord, I know that it's not conviction.

    my3boys, my husband is also the playful one. He will get out in the yard with the kids and play Frisbee or football. Just tonight he was on the floor with both kids, building a wooden train track. My children are so fortunate to have a father who is playful, since their mother is obviously not.  Just today, I have had a non-stop day. I don't know when I could've fit playing with the kids in today!

    Esby, it sounds like our parents are the same because they will play with my kids, whereas they never played with me, that I remember. 

    I think I have seen something in all your answers that is the same: we don't feel guilty for not playing with our kids; we just don't like telling them 'no' when it has to do with our involvement in their lives! At least, that's the common thread I've seen. 

    I'm really glad I posted this question today. You have all been such an encouragement! Thank you so very much!

    Posted 2 years ago # Report Post
15. 

    my3boys
    Member

    I think for me I thought that when I finally had my kids (took awhile, infertility, etc.) and when I was finally able to stay home full-time that I'd be playing with them all-the-time.  Uh, yeah, right:)

    I do however, love to take them to the lake/park and watch them play.  We just went to church camp and (not bragging here, just telling my story) my husband and I were the only "parents" that actually "played" with the kids (our's and other's) except for the people assigned to play the games. We played friseie (I love frisbee), swam, ping-pong, hoola-hoop whatever's, etc.   In that type of environment with no cares of a household to manage I am much more playful.  I think that's why I like to take the boys camping so much.  Away from the house, suppose to get dirty, no tv, computer, laudry...you get the idea.  So, no more guilt.  I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself right now, lol, just kidding. 

    This forum is the best.  Well, LindseyD., I hope you feel encouraged and know that you are totally normal:)

    Posted 2 years ago # Report Post

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