outside activities

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  • Melody F.
    Member

    I wondered if anyone else happens to be struggling with the issue of outside activities.  This past year, I mean school year, I felt totally overwhelmed by outside activities.  We didn’t get all of our planned school work done because it seemed we were always on the road going somewhere.  I hated trying to “car school”.  It seemed that so many other homeschoolers were in the same boat we were, but the difference was that they seemed to enjoy all the running around.  I found out this summer that at least a few of the Moms feel the same way that I do.  They were burnt out and exhausted from leaving the house every day to participate in the many classes, clubs, sports and field trips that the kids were involved with.  This year I am determined to stay home and focus first and foremost on our learning activities and character development, and also on keeping the house in order and the laundry done!  My children are disappointed that they won’t be attending co-op or doing some of the other things they did last year.  I have to admit that on some level I feel guilty about cutting these things out of the schedule, but then again I have told both of my children that in the Spring if we have our routine down pat and we think that some other things can be added in, then we will reconsider whether or not to participate in more outside activities.  Does anyone else ever struggle with this?  Has anyone else also had to cut down on the running around?

    suzukimom
    Participant

    We don’t do outside activites, except for the following.

    Violin and swim lessons – 1 afternoon a week (same afternoon…).  Group violin lesson 1 evening.  ALL my kids (3+) have the same lessons at the same time at the same place.

    Starting this fall, my son will do Scouting 1 evening a week.  That is the “Youth Activity” of our church, so it doubles as that.

    I do sometimes feel bad when my kids want to do soccer or something like that…. but this is what we do.

    sheraz
    Participant

    I am very picky about it…we don’t do many.  There are lots of good things out there – and we want our children to be accomplished, challenged, and develope talents – and often have activities to justify homeschool to the critics at the stores…but I listened to a talk from church about good, better and best.  Just because something is good, doesn’t mean it is the better choice, and even if it is a better choice doesn’t mean it is the best choice.  Sometimes I think how does this activity accomplish my goals for this child/family from the good, better, best aspect?  Is there something better that would help?  Often the answer is to skip the activity and do more worthwhile things at home – and that will include having happier, less tired, over-involved kids, more time to cook that nutritous meal, time to laugh and enjoy each other – not just cramming to our stuff done so we can go do other things, even changing our book selections sometimes.

    It is not easy to refrain from the good, but the better choices are often the best choices for us.  =)   

    Rachel White
    Participant

    Our financials prevent us from having this problem; but when I have put them into something in the past or the grandparents will pay for it in the future, then I have a few rules:

    1. Only 1x a month

    2. They both do it together, on the same day

    or

    2b. one does it, then the other does it. For ex: we have science classes at a Center that has two “semesters”, one fall and one spring. I they can’t go on the same day, then one goes for the fall sem. and the other for the spring.

    or

    2c. if the classes are on different days of that one day a month, if one of my children has a friend who is going, too, then my ds or dd can hitch a ride with or me. That way, I’m still only traveling 1x a month.

    My children are not going to pursue careers in sports, so I don’t think it’s anything that will damage them not to participate. The learn teamwork by being part of a family. The pursuit of outdoor activities is a creature of the post-modern family, where the children are the center of the family (must keep them entertained, right?), instead of the marriage and family coming first. IMO, I think the “busyness” is destructive to the family; can be a way to divert from family responsibilities (not saying you, but in others potentially) and relationships. It takes away from peacefullness and in the long-term can even harm the relationship with G-d; you can “hear” him if you don’t know how to be still.

    I know that other people thrive on it; I’m just not one of those. I know there are varying degrees of busyness that a person can tolerate before it becomes a burden.

    I think it can be addictive, actually and it seems to create a lot of false guilt in mothers who choose not to participate in the rat race of children’s activities, not to mention challenges the creativity of those who are always either being engaged by others, entertained or occupied-a child doesn’t have occupy themselves because they have all these “activities”, even educational ones, to occupy them. Why go on a nature walk and observe for 30 min. a hen and her chicks when you can go to a class with a lot of cool graphics to watch passively? I’m not against these classes, they offer great opportunities not otherwise available. I know not all of them are just passive spectator learning classes, but hands-on, and that can be a good thing. It’s just a matter of balance and priority, that’s all.

    Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now; Yell I know this was more than you wanted, I’m sure, and I apologize in advance if my perspective offends anyone after me. Just some of these modern, cultural, collective behaviors really get under my skin.

    Rachel

    Melody F.
    Member

    Oh Rachel!  I honestly couldn’t agree with you more.  That may sound odd considering that I’ve gotten wrapped up in the very thing I was against to begin with.  I didn’t start out this way when I began homeschooling, but over a period of years I found myself in a situation where I was influenced by other homeschoolers to become involved in all these activities.  It’s almost as if they thought you were doing your children a disservice to not become involved in every opportunity available.  On the one hand I’m thankful that there are opportunities for homeschoolers, but I am the one who let it get out of hand and I am the one who has to put a screeching halt to it.  Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do it, and as alluring as some of these opportunities are, it really had a negative affect on me and my children to be involved in so many things.  I became cranky and agitated and they were stressed out.  This caused all of us to have bad attitudes toward each other.  It’s something that gradually happened, and that unfortunately took me awhile to realize.  This summer has been great!  We aren’t constantly going somewhere, and being at home in a more quiet atmosphere has caused us to calm down and treat each other so much better.  My kids are becoming kinder to each other, and they enjoy being together.  I appreciate all the feedback–I guess sometimes we all need a little reinforcement and encouragement.  🙂  I think having a calm atmosphere this school year and focusing on our family will be far more beneficial than any outside activity ever could be. 

    Tristan
    Participant

    We try to avoid outside activities unless all the children can participate together or get something out of it.  For us that meant we started out own homeschool book club that met once a month for the first year.  We’re in our second year and now we meet twice a month, once on a chapter book, once on a picture book.  The 3 families participating have 15 children between them, ranging in age from 12 down to newborn.  We alternate hosting or planning a simple activity to go with our book.  After the book time we have a playtime and snack.  During the school year we may go back to meeting just once a month for a chapter book.   

    We’re pretty minimal.  Laughing

    lgeurink
    Member

    I hate the run around, it makes me so crabby!  But I have a friend whose kids are in so much stuff it would make my head spin.  Sometimes I feel bad saying no to things they want to do, but the financial savings are pretty motivating to keep it simple!  We have piano (only one kid so far, next school year we will add another kid but hopefully back to back lessons) and the rest of us go to the library during the piano lessons.  Another morning (9-11) the kids go to a homeschool class while I am upstairs at my Bible study and it is very worth it for our family.  They get their friend time and I get mine, I wouldn’t do it if they were at two different times.  Another morning a week they come with me to work and do some school work while I am there.  Chior one night a week.  We cut out weekday church night and that was fabulous (is that bad to say!) and we cut out twice a month ice skating afternoons.  This way if something comes up, a fun group outing or impromtu trip to the museum, I don’t feel like I am going over the top adding something on.  We are out 6 1/2 hours per week and that includes our travel.

    Misty
    Participant

    We are very much the same as many above.  We don’t do outside activities, at least at this point. (oldest 12) but I hear as they get ould that can change.

    That siad as Rachel mentioned we have done things in the past and are conisdering 4-H coming up.  But it has to be something that the family can all do at the same time at the same place (this 4-H is a family homeschool group 1 time a month so perfect). 

    My kids are not going to be all star sports men.   So we have playdates, do things together and that’s how we work on teamwork, socialization, getting along with others. 

    Glad to see we are not alone on not doing outside activities, as in everyone gets to do something.  I have friends who do this and they run non stop every night and weekends.  They rarely eat at the table or if they do they are scarfing it down to hurry out the door.  That’s not in my opinion the way dinner is suppose to be.  We sit and eat and enjoy.

    Good luck on fiuguring out what works for your family!

    ibkim2
    Participant

    DH and I had this struggle at church.  We love our small church family, but as are dc are involved in seperate children’s activities at church, we aren’t able to attend everything on Sunday at church (and everything does seem most important in the elder’s eyes)……..if we did attend every wonderful and godly activity on Sunday we would spend Sunday am rushing for breakfast, come home and rush lunch, go back for the children’s AWANA Sunday afternoon, come back home rush dinner.  DH and I have chosen not to live each Sunday that way, even though there are many families with young children in our church that do everything and the older generations have done everything every Sunday with their familes.  DH is off work on Sat. and Sun., but alot of our Sat. is spent visiting extended family, household projects, shopping, etc…. One elder at our church addressed our reason for not attending one of the activities as knowing it is difficult, but gently stating that our dc need to see the God comes first then family second.  However, he did say it not in a condemning way, just as a challenge.  DH and I disagree with this to the extent that going to church, while very important to the Christian walk, isn’t putting God first….but that God is first in our church life and in our family life and in our work life……….we are choosing not to put God second, but to put our home family 1st before fulfilling the expectations of others to attend all the “good, better, and best activities” (someone had that well put in this post) there are that SEEM to be terrible to miss out on, but may be robbery of the stable homelife in disquise. 

    meagan
    Participant

    Just a note to say that just because your kids are involved in activities, doens’t mean you have to sacrifice family time.  Our kids did a co-op one day during the week last year.  I taught/aided, as did their older brother, in some of their classes.  Each of our kids played soccer – they all practiced on the same night during the week and my husband always coaches at least two of the three every year, rotating who he coaches since he can’t do all three.  Their games were on Saturdays and Sundays (we go to Saturday evening church, so Sundays were not a big deal for us) and the entire family went to the games together to support their siblings.  Our kids go to church on Wednesday evenings (we ended up going to two separate churches because our church doesn’t do a youth program during the week until high school) and our oldest plays in the praise band.  We all ride to church together and while they are at their activities I am able to do some grocery shopping before picking them up.

     

    Anyways, all that to say, our kids are involved in activities that they *love*.  We have never sacrificed a family dinner because of it (sometimes we were eating dinner together that I packed on the soccer fields, but, it was together) and most things that we do are done as a family.  We’ve never had to sacrifice our Bible time together.  Look, this isn’t for everyone, and you have to find what is right for your family, but you can make it work.

    Dawn
    Participant

    I think each mom has her own personality. It is so true that what is stressful for one mom will be exhilarating for another. I am in the I can’t run all over the place camp. It is too stressful for me. It is so true that mom sets the tone for the household. The bottom line for me is that I want a peaceful home. We do lessons and activities, but have chosen to rotate them so they don’t make any one season too stressful. It’s ok to skip some this year and add it back another if that is what works best for your family.

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