We have 3 little ones (6, 4, 17 mos.) and they are really loud almost all of the time. It's usually the 6 and 4 yr old bickering or annoying each other. It's at it's peak right when daddy gets home from work which I know is typical to some degree. It made me sad to hear him say that sometimes he just wants to turn around and walk out. My 6 yr old has special needs and sometimes she just screams if the actual word doesn't come quick enough for her. She's improved with this but if she's fading from her day then it's usually at this time that she's easily frustrated/annoyed. Even out at the store we seem to talk loud...church, everyone knows we are there. We can't seem to have a successful quiet time but I'm not even going to start on that! I feel like a failure. Any thoughts?
OT: Do you have a loud house?(12 posts) (12 voices)
Yes, definitely my kids get louder by the time Daddy gets home from work. Have you tried a quiet time during the day? We have 1 after lunch - or we used to - and it really did work very well. And outside time for more than just a few minutes or half hour really helps them, too.
We have 6 kids, 1 of whom is deaf in one ear and HOH in the other. Let's just say we all know when he has forgotten to put on his BAHA.
Aside from him, we have two more sons who I joke do NOT have a volume control. BTW, their hearing is fine b/c I've had it checked by our other DS's audiologist LOL! They are just LOUD.
And like I said, 6 kids so that really adds to the noise level sometimes.
One thing we have done successfully is at dinner each weeknight, one of our 5 oldest is my kitchen helper (helps prepare meal as needed, set the table and clean up the kitchen). No, they don't love that part (well they like the cooking part some), but anyway, we add a fun element by having the kitchen helper choose a question while we eat our meal together. Tonight DD asked "what do you most want to do at the lake tomorrow?" She had a little help b/c she was having a hard time thinking of one. We are having a rare outing to my sister's lakehouse tomorrow so everyone is thinking on that and excited.
DH or I will somtimes add to it by saying "and tell us why" or something to help them add more than just a single-word answer.
It is a small thing, but it really helps everyone have a turn to talk at our dinner table, which can somtimes be loud if everyone is trying to talk at once. We will somtimes then have another question Daddy will ask that is more thought-provoking and often about a specific story or truth in the Bible.
But yeah, our house can be loud at times. As for your DH's comment and the struggle at that hour, I can totally relate. I swear they can all be seated on couches and the floor reading quietly and I'll look at the clock and think "oh, good, DH will be home soon and look how sweet they are!" and before he gets home, something happens and things just go awry fast and DH will someimtes seem exasperated that things are so wild when he walks in. I really do try though and I know you do too! Hang in there!
We have been and can easily be the Loud Family as well. I really took to heart the scripture about studying to be quiet (1 Thess. 4:11). I tell my children that the house just needs a period of quiet daily (can't you just feel the walls relaxing when it's quiet?!) and I do my best to enforce that daily. Also in that same scripture is a command to work with our hands. That helps with quiet as well. Now is also a wonderful time to teach your children that Daddy coming home is a very special time and that Mommy and Daddy's marriage is very special to God so we need to be able to talk. "What can we do to prepare for Daddy coming home?" you could ask. Then do it. It might be that they will get busy drawing some pictures, or something. Or get them in on the fact that Daddy likes to come home to quiet and see how they can get on board with that.
Practically, I also do not let them call from another room if it is not an emergency. I have one that will just start shouting for me and once I get to her she's like, "What are we doing today?" or something else equally important. That just fries me, if I can be so immature as to admit that. I will also tell them if it is before a certain hour in the morning that 'mommy is closed' until such and such a time. All of this is helping them to realize that they are not at the center of the universe; a very difficult lesson to learn, but one that is crucial.
I'm sorry....I couldn't hear you....my 4 boys are too loud..and yes, I seriously say that to some of my kids, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you because it's too loud in here." And I'm not joking or saying that for effect - it is sometimes so loud I literally cannot hear the child speaking to me.
No real practical solutions. To some degree it gets quieter as they get older. Well, the type of noise changes. And they spend longer periods of time being quiet. I love it when the older boys find books that interest them. All of the sudden the noise level decreases and I find them holed up in some quiet corner reading....for hours....the bliss....the silence....
We have 7 and until recently all of them were loud. Now the almost 14 yr old hears it and is always shhhhushing everyone else. Its' kinda of funny. I want to be the house where people just talk but around here I don't think it's going to happen. And yes my dh tells me he wants to leave sometimes too. What do you do. On a lighter note this same 14 yr old is a boy and his voice is starting to change.. so sometimes I look at him and say hey your yelling and it takes him to a wishper cause he gets it now. So I am hopeful things will get better with age also.
We have 6 and while it was a lot louder when the kids were little, I grew up with a mom with chronic headaches who kept a quiet house, and I get migraines regularly, so I seem to have a really low noise tolerance. That said, I have an older child who was both a sensory seeker and very reactive when she was upset, so I can relate. Keeping her blood sugar regular helped some - a snack before dinnertime might help offset that crash just when daddy comes home if your daughter is like mine was. It also helped if there were other activities to give her sensory input so it didn't all have to be from her own noise, LOL. (The book The Out of Synch Child is great for this).
One thing I grew up with that we've really enforced here is "inside voices." Think the type you'd tolerate in a restaurant - loud enough to hear someone talking next to you, but if I can hear you from the other room, or can't hear to talk to someone in the same room, you are too loud! Kids will get a reminder, and if the noise level can't stay down, they'll have to go outside to use those outside voices. Migraines have also given the kids good practice at spending a few hours being really quiet - reading, talking softly, being still. I don't love the headaches but appreciate what they've fostered! I wonder if the same sort of thing could be done by setting yourself up with a book in the center of the room and telling others it's time to do something quiet - in different spots, not next to each other! Practice, of sorts? With very little children, you could start with 15 minutes perhaps, in line with CM's lessons, during which you practice talking quietly, looking at books, etc.
We also used to plan very short errands during which we'd practice one particular skill; perhaps you could make a short trip for something small, but the real focus would be talking quietly. All this said, your kids are little. Start with a few habits that may take a while to build, but know this season will pass.
I don't have experience with special needs children (so I'm not sure how this would work with your DD), but one thing I do is have my DC line up on the couches so they are sitting a foot or two appart. I turn down the lights and have them sit quietly for 5-10 minutes. If my littlest one gets up, I just pick her up and set her back down in her spot. I can usually tell when they are calming down just by watching them. I let them back up to play and they seem to be quite a bit calmer...for awhile anyway. It saves everyone a lot of frustration!
I should probably do this more often...DH gets painful headaches and I honestly just tune out so many of the kids' noises. He just doesn't have the ablility to tune them out as well as I can. I've also heard to give your DH a little break when he gets home to unwind. Sometimes I keep the kids busy by having them help with dinner or give them a few chores.
Noise increases with each additional occupant of a house, but there are ways to cope if you feel a break is needed. Depending on weather, going outside like Doug mentioned is a great solution. Also many times throughout the week, I simply say, "Ok guys, you are NOT in trouble but we need to have no words for a few minutes. Grab a quiet book or activity and don't talk." It calms everyone down and I can regroup as needed.
If I have a bad headache, I put in ear plugs for the day. It really helps! I bought them at Walgreens a few years ago.
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