Notes from Sonya's new talk "When More Is Less…"

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  • The talk is actually entitled: “When More Is Less: A Call to Simplicity in Your Schedule, Your Home, and Your Children’s Education.”

    With all the discussion and interest related to Sonya’s new “More is Less…” talk, I thought I’d share some of my notes. I felt a little weird doing this, but checked with the SCM team and Doug assures me that it’s fine to do this and get/keep the discussion going.  Some things are probably more directly what Sonya said, while others may be impressions I had based on what she saying — of course, I can’t make the distinction at this point which is which, but perhaps something will prove helpful. 

    • Sonya began with a great analogy and visual that I can’t do justice at the moment, but the point that I took away from it is this: The stuff we add to our lives is often intended to be good, but sometimes it really just adds misery and drudgery, and keeps us from appreciating the beauty and blessings that are all around us because just feel overwhelemed and burdened. (Edit: My quick feeble attempt to explin the analogy: A man going preparing for a 6 month trip backpacking trip and has just what he needs, whereas his friend had the exact same backpack of supplies/essentials, yet showed up for the trek all of these ridiculous extras — a big fluffy pillow, a paper shopping bag filled with who-knows-what, and just tons of extras stuffed under his arms, hanging off him, etc. That guy started the journey but quickly ended up muttering then outright complaining about everything, whereas the guy travelling wiht the essentials was enjoying the fresh mountain air, the feel of the trail beneath his feet, just living in the moment and appreciating it.)
    • The 3 main focus areas addressed, where we might be overloaded: our schedules, our homes, our children’s education.

     

     

    OUR SCHEDULES: We want to LIVE WELL

    • Be available to minister in the moment
    • We can’t be handcuffed to a clock — needs happen at inopportune moments (needs of a child, a neighbor, a friend, etc)
    • Look over the last 2 weeks: do you feel you have lived in a flurry of activity or have relationships been nurtured?
    • Identify non-essentials: how will this activity help this child grow into a Godly adult? how does it affect the rest of the family? Is this activity really helping achieve the goals I had in mind when I agreed to it, the goals I hoped it would? 
    • Prepare yourself for the challenges that come with changing your schedule and your outside commitments: a key phrase to use — “right now” (as in when saying “no” to someone: “No, this is not a good fit for us right now”). Keep in mind the big picture of what is best for yoru family/
    • Prepare your children for the coming changes — a beautiful example given where a mom explained in the spring that their family would only have one day for outside activites once the fall came, so explained the situation to the son (who had a favorite commitment that would be in conflict with this) suggesting that over the summer he think about what things he would like to learn about, what new interests, etc. he might now have time for with this new freedom he would have. A few months into the changed scheduled, the son came back and thanked his mom for making those changes, expressing how much he had enjoyed all of these great things he had time for now that they weren’t so busy.

     

    OUR HOMES: We want to LOVE WELL

    • So much time is is spent on *things* — cleaning, replacing, moving, buying things — this hinders our ability to love well.
    • Are my things helping or getting in the way of loving people well?
    • When decluttering, instead of thinking of “getting rid of” something, things in terms of “putting this back into circulation” for God to use in His kingdom.
    • Focus on things within your jurisdiction (not your spouse’s stuff!)
    • We will have more freedom to love well if there is less stuff in our home.

     

    OUR CHILDREN’S EDUCTION: We want them to LEARN WELL

    • Focus in things that will shape their lives and keep them loving learning.
    • Reflect on these questions for each child: How much does s/he care about learning? What kind of person is s/he becoming? (Not asking how much do they know?)
    • Give them time to digest  (analogy of savoring one delicious slice of pie versus the experience of a pie-eating contest) — this is not a sprint, but a lifelong process.
    • Question additions you plan to add to their education: Do we need it? Do we need it now? Why? Is this curriculum (etc) a good fit for this season of life? Is there another way I can accomplish this? Am I doing this because it’s best for this child, or is it best for me?

     

    FINAL THOUGHTS

    • What’s in my backpack? 
    • What would my home look like if it was arranged so that I could love well?
    • My schedule so that I could live well?
    • My children’s education so that they could learn well?
    • Examine each item in my backpack!

     

    Forgot to say, but can’t edit the above post: Several of us also had a wonderful talk over dinner with Karen, Doug, and Sonya about much of this topic as well in which we discussed how this ties in to cultivating a habit of simplicity. Considering all the focus on habits in a CM education, I think the habit of simplicity is one that resonates with many of us!

    Wings2fly
    Participant

    Thank you for posting this Lady in Pink and thanks to SCM for allowing it. My biggest trouble now is the home. We had some flooding in one room which was a spare bedroom and used mostly for storage. So having had to move stuff out, I really do not want to move it all back, especially if we will never use it. I was overwhelmed by all the stuff. It helped for me to write it all out on a list and then I could focus better on the things we obviously use and will keep. I love applying the backpack analogy to this. I would love to hear Sonya’s full message.

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you so much for sharing and thanks to the SCM team!

    I had to quickly read through your post but plan to come back later and read it again. I hope this seminar will be able to be available on DVD or audio in the future. 🙂

    Karen
    Participant

    thanks so much for posting this!  I copy and pastd it into Word so I can print it out and read/think on it later.

     

     

    Katrina in AK
    Participant

    Thank you, MLIP! What a blessing to us all.

    Alicia Hart
    Participant

    A thousand thank you’s for this post!  Just what I needed to hear today.  I wish I could have attended this. 

    Alicia Hart
    Participant

    I love the analogy of savoring slowly one piece of the pie vs. a pie eating contest.  This is such a vivid word picture!

    Tristan
    Participant

    As I am finalizing next year’s school materials I love the “Question additions you plan to add to their education” and the questions with it.  I’m trying to find a balance between teaching all my students ages in a reasonable portion of the day versus having time to linger over things and have a relaxed atmosphere to the day. 

     

    For our homes section I love the perspective of putting things back into circulation for God to use in his kingdom!!! I really love that!  While I’m pretty happy to be decluttering and moving things out I think that I need a better mindset behind it than “the clutter drives me crazy and we don’t have much room with 10 people in our small house”.  😉

    kerby
    Participant

    Thank you for posting this and to SCM for allowing it.  What a blessing!! 

    I’ve been slowly working on our home for a while now.  My dilemma is that I don’t know where/how to put things back into circulation.  I want to, but in our rural, distant community, there isn’t any place.  And, keeping it for a yard sale or until I go to another city is just adding to or keeping the clutter.  (I’d appreciate ideas to beneficially dispurse these “treasures.”  Clothing drop-offs are 2 hrs away.)

    Karen
    Participant

    Hmmmm. Is a nearby church collecting clothes (or other items) for missions? We have an overseas missions collection point not too far from our rural area.  Do any nearby churches have clothing banks? Any nearby moms with kids that woud fit the clothes?  Is anyone at church closer (or maybe they work closer) to a drop-off? Could you offer them a small payment or cookies to drop off things for you??  Perhaps you just need to rent a U-haul and plan a trip to the nearest place to drop off this stuff.  And stop at book stores along hte way home, of course!

    mrsmccardell
    Participant

    That’s funny, Karen!

    Wings2fly, I’m wondering if anything more has happened with the “putting back” of things since the room damage, and if between writing your list and the backpack analogy you’ve let  go (or “put things back into circulation”) any more than you might otherwise have done? Anything you were surprised about? I’m wondering if your list approach would be helpful to me as I go through more and more stuff here at my home. I actually dreamt last night about various kitchen gadgets and making piles of stuff to put back into circulation. Kind of disappointing to awake this morning and find I hadn’t actually DONE it. lol 

    I’d love to hear any little success stories on this topic or paradigm shifts people have. I have a tendency to get inspired but then that doesn’t always translate over to tangible actions and changes.

    mrsmccardell
    Participant

    I’ll share!  This has been huge for me…I’m learning lessons from the scm posts, the clutter trap book Lindsey shared, and our church message this past Sun.  It all came together and slapped me in the face!  

    I kept feeling like I had wonderful systems in place but they were very short-lived.  So I assumed it meant my system wasn’t working!  And then I felt like I was always behind b/c everything was piling on my desk, books to be read, house to be cleaned, etc.  I think the desk with paper clutter was the worst for me though.  I couldn’t spend time with my husband at night b/c I was catching up on everything else.  I didn’t care for this lifestyle but was stuck on what could change. 

    I read the clutter trap book along with the wonderful comments you shared above and started with my desk.  I thought I got rid of a lot of clutter a couple of years ago but it does creep back into the house and I haven’t been as diligent about it…or so I thought that was my problem!  Well, Sun we had a guest speaker at church and wouldn’t you know, he was speaking directly to me!  He was speaking about “stuff” and how it cripples us from following what the Lord has planned for us.  Now you can apply that to your life any way it may make sense….maybe it doesn’t for your life.  We have a few personal areas that we have not been able to make time for and we now realize it’s b/c of our stuff!  He mentions that we cannot be content unless we take care of the major sin of covetousness.  Think of covetousness in the broader sense here and that is what I have been doing!  I want all these things, albeit good things, but I want them on my own time table.  This sin questions what God wants for me and also makes what I want more important than maybe what is right.  I hope that makes sense.  So he also stated that the world has been “working on us” since day 1 with the idea that we cannot be content without a house, food, money, relationships, etc.  We then strive for all those things hoping they bring happiness rather than knowing that it’s through Jesus…I know you know all of this but it clicked for me and how much this stuff continues to get in the way.

    So my desk is almost clutter free and I feel free!  My clutter personality was that I got it on sale and I’ll use it for later!  I know that I need to make better choices and that will free up my time immensely!  This verse has been wonderful for me: Luke 12:15 “And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.”

    Our closets are already clutter-free as well as most of the kitchen.  My desk has been the biggest challenge.  I encourage you to do this b/c it’s awesome!

    sheraz
    Participant

    @Leslie – that is wonderful!  

    This thread is interesting to me because I am also working on this. I was in the same session of Sonya’s talk with MLIP and it was literally life-changing in that she vocalised things that I have been thinking of and pondering for months – but her talk gave me the encouragemnet and umph to start it.

    I want to clarify that my house is not filthy. It is organized and generally tidy. But I have lots of generous friends who have given me things in the last 8 years that are good things. Not necessarily something I will use soon, but it might be handy later or the kids might enjoy it later. I just buy more storage drawers or containers and reorganize the house to make it fit. My friend kept telling me that my house was organized and that I didn’t need to stress. 😉 I’ve learned a few things in the last 10 days, though.

    I got the Clutter Trap book Lindsey recommended (Lindsey would be shocked at how many of us listened to her!) and it too was another affirmation of what the Lord has been trying to tell me for months. I have almost finished it (it is an easy read book) and I can’t even tell you how much differently I am looking at the things in my home. Why am I paying money, time and stress to store someone else’s things??? I can’t wait to get rid of SO MUCH STUFF! I even called my sister (THE Queen of Yard Sales) to help me have one. She is driving 9 hours to help me and spend a week with me! The cousins are all so excited! lol

    Sunday I, too, had an experience with the speaker’s words that really helped me solidfy my decisions to SIMPLIFY our lives. He was talking about how our quest for material things can/will automatically put our quest for the spirirtual (the things that matter the most) on the back burner UNLESS we know when ENOUGH is ENOUGH and learn to be content with what we have. Accumulation of things can actually interfer with our ability to come unto Christ and be led by the Spirit. Yeah, I was feeling that.  

    Another book that has helped me to deal with my mess is one that Becca recommended called Unglued: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Raw Emotions.  Ouch!!  I tend to be overstimulated by clutter and even too much organized mess. I haven’t been able to get rid of the stuff, so it stresses me out. Then I take out my frustrations on my husband and children (certainly not to the point of abuse, but to the point where I am in a position to potentially damage our relationships.)

    Reading these two books, along with the scriptures and the talks, have totally helped me to begin to let go, make the change, and trust that the Lord really will meet our every need. He always has in the past.

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