My kids tell me I'm not a teacher « SCM Discussion Forum: Charlotte Mason Method Homeschooling

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My kids tell me I'm not a teacher

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Started 1 year ago by blessedmom
Latest reply from anniepeter

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blessedmom
Member

I think I have finally come to the point where I need to put them back in "school."

I have spent so much time researching the best methods, books, etc...that will interest them and keep them motivated. I have switched things that weren't working... but whenever I ask them to do something that makes them accountable for their learning (narrating, written narration) they balk and complain, telling me that I'm not teaching them if they have to teach me.

I am just at my whit's end...they say such hurtful things to me. I really don't know what to do.

I know that school will just teach them what they need to know for tests, which will soon be forgotten. I want better for them, but I don't feel that they respect me enough to have me as their "teacher," since I refuse to fill that "empty bucket."

I guess I am asking, pleading, for ideas on how to "light the fire" and how to garner their respect.

:(

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
Tristan
Member

First, I don't know the ages of your children, so post those and we'll probably have more specific advice. What it sounds like to me is basic character issues need dealt with (obedience, respect, attentiveness). At our house when this needs dealt with their whole world stops until they are acting appropriately. No outside activities, no fun at home, nothing. A child loses 'free time' and becomes mommy's shadow so they get plenty of opportunities to practice obedience, respect, etc.

The character problems will not go away just by sending them to school. And they will get bigger there, guaranteed.

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
Des
Member

I agree with Tristan, it really does sound like character/disobedience issues.

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
Homeschooling6
Member

(((hugs))) Agreeing with the others. I would get dad involved. The children need to obey you, it says so in the Bible. I would get the Bible out and have them start copying scripture. Pick verses and talk about them.

Complaining, balking and telling mom that she is not the teacher is not allowed. This is why I say dad needs to be involved. The children need to know that dad is backing you up. He needs to tell the children that you are the teacher ;) what you say goes. Then they need to be accountable. If they complain there needs to be consaquences.

This one is hard but try not to let what they say affect you. Sometimes one of my kids will come to a lesson grumpy. In the past I use to let it affect me and I would become grumpy. In the end I would end up very upset and send my child to his room. I would be stewing because I didn't get the lesson done.
Now, I ignore the it and just move on with the lesson. During the lesson if my child made a nice 'J' I'll comment on that, usually by the end of the lesson there is no grumpyness.

Pray and read the Bible, ask God to change your heart as well as the children and again, bring dad on board, talk with you dh and together have a meeting with the children.

Blessings,
Linda<><

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
Sue
Member

I don't have time to reply in depth (and I haven't quite read the other posts), but what you're getting from your kids is similar to what's been going on here. I have come to realize that it is flat-out disrespect from them, and it's unlikely to stop just because they go to a school.

If you put them in school, the problem won't leave your home any longer than the few hours they are in the building.

I'll probably respond with more later, but for now, that's my take on our situation--maybe it applies to yours.

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
Rebekahy
Member

I think Sue is right - those attitudes aren't going to change just because you send them to school... in fact... they might get WORSE!

If they don't like they way you are teaching them, maybe you could switch back to some workbook type things - perhaps that's not the "best" or most "fun" way to learn, but then they would be responsible for knowing the material by having to read, study and test or answer written questions. You could correct their work and give it back to them, just like a real "teacher".

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
suzukimom
Member

I agree with the posts you have been given so far....

Also, a number of months ago, someone mentioned that when their kids were acting up like that, that she gives them a "school day". Has each child sitting at a desk (maybe a table...) - had an alarm going off at school start, recess time, etc... had them read textbooks and fill out worksheets... if they misbehaved they had to sit with their head on the desk (or facing a wall?) - gave them surprise quizes, gave them homework, etc.

After a couple of days of that... they were begging to do homeschool again.....

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
sheraz
Member

Nothing like a dose of reaity, huh, Suzukimom?? Why is the grass always greener somewhere else??

Spelling lists, tests, grades, writing and re-writing the same little story with red corrections all over it, etc...no recess if work is not done, no matter the reason, no moving around. Give them so much to do that they have tons of homework everyday - whether they get the concept or not... Take a comprehension test on all books read,,,and no choosing outside your level,,, Yikes...I'm so thankful that we can homeschool. That was my kiddos life two years ago... poor things. Your kids wouldn't like it. =)

I am sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I agree with the other posters...and wonder if Dad can help back you up. Defintely work on the basic habits. Also, see if the different approaches to narration can help you get over the hurdle of narration.

Here they are: http://simplycharlottemason.com/timesavers/narration/ HTH

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
maynegirl
Member

I wish this was like facebook & I could push the "like" button for so many of these responses. I love gleaning from the wisdom of experienced mothers.

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
sbkrjulie
Member

I like that idea of making homeschool like public school Never thought of that, but will definately be making a note of it.

One of my "wise moms" who has been homeschooling for 20 years advised me that if my kids complain about the little bit of work I ask of them, to just give them more work. They are already unhappy so what is the difference of a little more work I have done that quite a few times and they are understanding that complaining and "eye rolling" at assignments is not beneficial for them. I expect quality work as well so if it is done sloppy, they redo it. My 3rd grader is the one with sloppy work issues so that is the current struggle for me.

It has also helped that my husband has been home (laid off after 5 years of total dedication to his job and clients) and has seen the disrespect at times. All he has to do is stick his head around the corner and ask if there is a problem.

It is an attitude problem and adjustments will need to be made. Sending them off to public school is not going to change that and, like other mom have said, it could just get worse in the end.

My kids will, on occasion, smart back with "why are you asking me, you should know too". I tell them that I do know but the whole point of schooling and teaching them is to make sure THEY know it and remember it as well. If they can't recall a few small details, then they have to review their notes or reread the book section.

Praying for you during this time.....

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
sbkrjulie
Member

Let's not forget that in public school you could not get a restroom break at certain times. You had to wait to go and you could not get up in the middle of tests and could not speak out of turn.

My son is actually enjoying reading again!!! No more AR tests (we live in Texas) and no written book reports if you miss too many questions on said AR test. We do oral narration on the books and I will eventually have him start writing narrations and move on from there. For now, I want him to read for enjoyment...not worry about testing.

He asked me the other day if it was a normal feeling to feel like you were actually IN the story when you read it. He said he could see everything the book was describing and hated leaving the characters in bad situations every night. He could not wait to see them again. NOW, that made me so happy!!! I told him that what he just told me was the best thing I have ever heard in my life from him about reading...and, yes, it was normal and wonderful that he felt that way about his book.

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
my3boys
Member

I can relate to what you are saying blessedmom. I have thought that our relationship (that of my kids and I) would be better if they were in PS or Pri. School, and have actually told them so, especially when we've had a rough day. During those challenging moments when I can't seem to get the concept understood (whatever that may be) and our relationship is hurt because of it, I feel that we all would be better off if they were in school. I could just be mom and not have to be teacher/mom. But....then reality hits and I think of when they have their tons of homework I will be the one helping/encouraging/expecting/asking if it's done or not done/telling them they can't do "this or that" since their work is not done or done to someone's satisfaction, etc., and we're back to square one. I will be teacher/mom again but this time on someone else's time frame with the added bonus that we can't study what we want, but what they want (and I don't mean the kids!).

Honestly, I only really feel this way around a certain time of the month when I am "out of sorts" and can not seem to concentrate/multi-task/keep things moving, etc. But, that is frequent enough to know how you must feel. At those times, I feel like a failure and that I'm failing the kids....it's sad that our society's view of success can make those that are really trying to feel bad about what they are/aren't doing. That's how I feel, at times, anyway.

I will pray for you and wanted you to know that you are not alone....parenting, in any capacity, is challenging. It seems to go from sweet "goo goo's" to real challenges of the heart overnight. Take care.

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
Sue
Member

I also wanted to chime in again and say that I had two stepsons that lived with us, just a few years older than my oldest. They went to public school, and there was so much I disliked about their attitudes over the years. It's hard to tell how much of that was influenced by the school system and school friends and how much was just who they chose to be.

I tried to be involved in their school, but with 3 little ones very close in age at home, it got harder and harder to do more than just telling them "no reading these books" and keeping them home on the afternoon their classes were having a Halloween party. (We don't celebrate Halloween.) In fact, I discovered that even though I had told them they were not to read a particular series of books at school, they did borrow one from the school library and read it during their class free reading time. Also, there was a play based on one of those books that was featured at an assembly, and I never received advance notice about it. I had told their teachers at the beginning of the year that I did not want them reading books containing witchcraft, wizardry, the occult, etc., and that was "forgotten" when this assembly occurred. Furthermore, I was told that the library was understaffed and so they could not and would not restrict what books the children borrow.

Many children progress through the public school system and end up educated, with socially acceptable characteristics, but they are changed through the experience, and not always for the better or according to the parents' belief system.

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
blessedmom
Member

I just want to pop back in here really quickly and THANK you all for the comments and guidance. It is such a blessed treasure to be lifted up by godly women!

I will be taking the time to go back and read each post in detail and soaking up your wisdom. I truly want to have our homeschool experience be a positive one for all of us. (My guys are 15 and 11, and we have a 3 yo little girl who imitates everything they do! ...good and bad ) I love them so dearly, but sometimes I feel like I am failing them when we have rough days.

Thank you again, and I hope you don't mind if I ask some more questions after I read all of your comments

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
suzukimom
Member

Hey, just wanted to add.... pick up "Lies Homeschooling Mom's Believe" by Todd Wilson - and if you can, his cartoon books. (I don't own the cartoon books - but from the cartoons in the other book, they would be good!)

A cartoon in the book above.... (paraphrased)

Mom Talking to Dad: The kids have been acting up all day... I think we should put them in school

Dad: Ok... Public or Private?

Mom: BOARDING!

hope it gave you a smile!

Posted 1 year ago # Report Post