SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   suzukimom
   Member

   Ok, I give up.... except I can't.

   I have absolutely no idea how to get kids to do things.  Oh, school we are fine with.  I'm talking about cleaning bedrooms, chores, habits etc.

   Obviously I'm not doing this right.  I am sick of the fighting, arguing, dawdling, etc.

   I've tried Accountable Kids.  I've tried Managing their Chores.  I've tried basically the "default" of "ok, now get dressed.  Now make your bed". and another program.   

   Even simple habits - put shoes/boats away when you come in.....  doesn't happen without me directing each child to it (and then they do it poorly....)  or - put dishes in dishwasher after you eat (or on counter if dishwasher has clean dishes.)   We have worked on that for years - and I still end up having to call at least one child back after every meal.   It has taken us 2 hours this morning for me to get my kids doing their simple morning routine which should take about 15-20 minutes (plus time for violin review songs - another 20 minutes there....)  and we still aren't done as my kids are sitting in their bedrooms instead of cleaning it.   

   I just don't understand what to do.  I don't get it.  I apparently don't understand because nothing works for me.  I don't know what to do.  

   It is so obvious that I haven't laid down good habits for them because I am having anything but smooth and easy days.... but it isn't from lack of trying on my part....  it is apparently from lack of me knowing what I'm doing.  

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
2. 

   amandajhilburn
   Member

   I do not have any good advice, but I'm sorry you are having a bad morning :)

   And for what it's worth...we have chore charts, but I still have to say EVERY DAY, "Have you done your chores?" I don't know what to do about it either.

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
3. 

   Jennifer
   Member

   Do you have Laying Down the Rails by Sonya Shafer?  It is not entirely about chores, but there are several habits that could help your children be more diligent.  I recently pulled my copy off the shelf!!  Needed some tips for obedience with 4 year old and self-control for 6 year old.  

   And, I'm sure you know this, but we must be good examples.  Our children usually imitate us!

   I have to remind myself to encourage instead of fussing.  It makes a huge difference in our home.

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
4. 

   tonyam196
   Member

   We had the same fight here this morning. I was loading the dishes after breakfast while two of my children were doing chores they should have already done so we could start school. As I was cleaning the kitchen praying for wisdom a verse came to my mind. Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I think I underestimate Satan. If he can get to our family and shake it up so we don't have peace he's happy. These are some of the thoughts I am having this morning after having a very rocky start to our day. After that I prayed with my kids and ask God to make our home a place of peace. Things have gotten better. My kids attitudes are different. My attitude is different!

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
5. 

   Tristan
   Member

   (((HUGS))) Some days it certainly seems bleak, doesn't it? 

   Here are my thoughts, take them or leave them.  First, how are you doing with your own personal habits?  Have you got a schedule/general routine that the family runs on?  Do you follow it or are your waking and bedtimes changing daily, do meals happen at the same time each day, etc?  I know that when I am strictly enforcing the basics (wake up, meals, bed) then I can know everyone has had enough rest and regular refilling of their tanks.  Then we are all in a frame of mind to be ready to work without meltdowns.  (Not that meltdowns don't still happen, but then they are willful, not due to other factors.)

   I know it stinks, but what about backing up?  Cut down your homeschool to the minimum for a month and focus on basic morning and chorepack routines.  Literally reteach them how to do it, work with them, and let school expectations go so you aren't frustrated that stuff isn't getting done.  After a few days of showing/working with them, it's their turn - they teach you/show you how to do the morning routine/chores.  After a few days of that you're on to sending them to work and just checking in with encouragement, with reteaching as needed. 

   With this you need to also decide what is essential in those morning routines/chores. Start there.   

    

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
6. 

   art
   Member

   Well, I'm not an expert, but I have read a couple good books!

   I don't remember if this idea was in Love and Logic or Let's Fix the Kids, but I love love love it.

   Create a NEED. An example of this is what I do with dishes. We don't have a dish washer (you might need to not use it for a while or use it differently if you do this) I have a big black stinky marker and I wrote everyone's name on a cup, plate, and bowl. No one is allowed to touch a dish that has someone else's name on it. Everyone is expected to wash their own dish. If it isn't washed the next time they want to use it, that is strictly their problem.

   We will wait to eat a few minutes if someone has to do their dish, but they have to do it.

   So the need is a clean dish and I don't provide it.

   Another example would be that they have to put their clothes in the laundry hamper if they want it washed any time soon. When someone can't find something to wear, I ask them where they put it the last time they took it off. If it was on the floor or something I tell them it won't get washed that way--it has to be in the laundry.

   It's a fabulous idea. The book made it sound like you could use it in almost every aspect of chores or taking care of themselves.

   It's worth a shot.

   Another chore idea just makes it fun. We sometimes put chores on slips of paper in a bag and choose something to do for 5 or 10 minutes then stop.

   Good luck!

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
7. 

   Tristan
   Member

   I wanted to share something I came across as I started rereading the SCM blog series The Early Years:

   1. “To form in his child right habits of thinking and behaving is a parent’s chief duty” (Vol. 2, p. 228).

      Molding and shaping your child’s character with good habits is your first priority. If your day is too crowded to allow you time to stop and deal with bad habits, it’s too crowded.

   2. “To nourish a child daily with loving, right, and noble ideas we believe to be the parent’s next duty” (Vol. 2, p. 228).

      Feed your child’s mind with good and right ideas every day. Remember that a child soaks up a lot from his surroundings. So make sure everything you give him is wholesome and nourishing, including the atmosphere in which he grows. Feed his mind on what is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, excellent, virtuous, praise-worthy.

   The bolded line is my own emphasis, but it really struck me as I was reading and brought to mind this discussion.  I actually really want to focus on this more with my little guys too.  Just thought I would share before I forgot - now I'm off to read the rest of the series!

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
8. 

   suzukimom
   Member

   Thanks everyone.  I have to say the day only got marginally better.   I guess I just don't know what has gotten into my kids recently.  When asked to do something they grumble or whine or stomp or whatever.  When I reminded my 5yo daughter to do her chorepack (#1 - get dressed....) she was standing there yelling "I DON'T WANT TO!", over and over I might add.  To get them to do anything they were resisting every step of the way.  Fighting with each other etc.  There has always been little bits of this now and then... but now it seems like this behaviour most of the time, with little times when they are helpful and happy.  Just last week we had an absolutely wonderful day.... but it just seems like more and more of THIS.

   And I'll admit it... I ended up "losing it".  And the morning overall did NOT go well.  When my dh got up (he works nights) quite aware of how the morning went.... he asked what I was trying to get done that afternoon.  (I'd already given up the idea of even trying to do school - I had no patience or anything left in me...) - so he took us out to the park to go leaf collecting.  That part went fairly ok (although the work part for it was on me...) - until it was time to go home and the 3yo was screaming and crying because we were leaving... and the 5 and 7 yo were fighting in the back seat.  Once we got home I ended up retrating to the bedroom to leave my husband in charge for a while, and then soaked and relaxed in the tub for a while.  Supper ended up being (quite) late because of that.  Then the 3yo got sick.  Everyone is in bed now.

   I can't really make homeschool much lighter right now...  We are doing devotion, math (very easy as starting Rightstart at level B, and the kids are past the level it starts at...) and reading 1 bit from the Christian Nature Readers.  Oh, and a violin practice. We are already pretty much to bare bones.  

   I just read books on this type of stuff, and whatever book sounds like it makes sense - but not how to actually do it in real life.  My kids do behave well (mostly anyway) outside the house - like at lessons or church or a restaurant.  I just feel ill-equiped overall... and my husband is too, even though he has raised 3 kids already.  

   No - we don't have a schedule.  That is part of what I'm trying to implement.  But how do you implement a schedule when people aren't doing what they should?

    

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
9. 

   momto2blessings
   Member

   I feel your pain.  There are certain things I get very frustrated with repeating over and over.  My kids are 12 and 9, so that helps.  One thing I started last year that really helps with morning routines is I decided one hour was enough time to do morning chores and eat breakfast.  If they do this, they get to watch a 25 min. old comedy show (we have Netflix) while they eat their lunch.  One child missed it once and had to eat separately without watching the show.....and it never happened again!  Some may not want to use t.v. like this, but it works here:)  Gina

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post

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