SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   Delkroemer
   Member

   I'm wondering how involved others' husbands are or have been in the homeschooling of the children.

   Last month my hubby and I attended our first homeschool convention. I thought it would be great for him to come and learn more about what I do with our kids all day really lol However, he got a little more impressed with homeschooling than I imagined and now he wants to teach too. Maybe some of you split teaching/subjects with a spouse, I've heard of it being done; particularly in upper grade levels and when one spouse is more knowledgable than the other in a specific subject. I know for some this might sound like a dream come true lol

   To me, honestly and at least right now, it kind of feels like my hubby is stepping on my toes. I want him involved, encouraging and caring but I am a bit of a control freak I guess, because some things I like to do/run alone. For the most part, I rarely like help cooking, some cleaning jobs I won't let anyone else do because I want it done a certain way too.

   Now I used to be a career woman before meeting my hubby and my job was like my identity and coming to peace about being a stay at home mom has been a journey for me. Now I love it, caring for the kids and home is largely my thing, though I get and enjoy help to a degree. I spend a lot of time reading and finding resources and learning all I can to homeschool our kids and give them the education and upbringing we desire to give them but I don't always discuss in depth with my hubby about it and he has known little about homeschooling up to this point. Now he wants to jump right in and I'm trying to be excited about it and make necessary arrangements.

   Anyway, this post is getting long lol I just had to vent. To sum it all up, my hubby wants to get more involved by spliting teaching duties and I kind of feel like I will be missing out on whatever my children are learning when I'm not teaching them and I'm also not that great at sharing my scheduling and lesson plans with hubby and now I feel I have to plan around his already hectic work and college schedule to a greater degree. I don't want to hurt his feelings really, and they are his kids too and I'm glad he cares so much and is enthusiastic, but I'm just not thrilled about it right now honestly. I don't want to discourage him or tell him he can't teach them - in the same way I have/academically - I just want to be fine with it and make it work. Any suggestions?

   Have any of you split homeschooling duties with your hubby and how has it worked out?

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
2. 

   mommasmurf
   Member

   I can understand your angst. I have trouble letting go of control as well. Thankfully my hubby is gracious to me.

   We do not split things. I tried a couple years ago to give him certain subjects but then got frustrated when he didn't have time to follow through. I had to let that go. He does have a full time, demanding job (he's military) plus he travels often. So I had to step back and honor his committments. The only thing he is really "in charge" of right now are the boys' cub scouting things.

   Now, that doesn't mean he doesn't help. Absolutely he does! He's an engineer, so all those tricky math things, that the kids are crying over when I teach them, are a breeze when Dad explains them. But we don't put any pressure on him to do xyz in the evenings or weekends. He teaches the kids all sorts of things, but it's because he wants to and/or they ask out of curiosity. We all like it that way.

   It's a wonderful blessing that your hubby wants to be involved with homeschooling. Prayers that it is a smooth (or at least not very bumpy) transition for you all.

   Joy

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
3. 

   Misty
   Member

   My dh believes in what I do.  I might run things by him that I am not sure of.  He will help the kids if they need it in say science or math.  But for him that's where it ends.  He has a full time job and it is not schooling.  My 5 yr old trys to have him read aloud to hiim but my wonderful dh gets annoyed and just blurts out the words.  My dh is a not involved other than when I need him to be.  He likes to know what we are studing and how they are doing, but he is not one to teach (other than disecting at deer camp) in a school setting.  He just doesn't have the patience for it, might I add there are days I don't have the patience either :0).  

   I would feel like he was stepping on my toes also.  Like this is my job, you have yours.  And that's not good.. I must work on that.  Ok.. more time in prayer for me

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
4. 

   andream
   Member

   My husband and I attended a homeschool convention this past year also. It was great for my husband to take a step into "my world" and hear a bit more about what we do. Since that time, he has agreed to do one math lesson per week this year. Math is a difficult subject for my daughter and not my favorite for me to teach to her. It's been so sweet to see her enjoying math a bit more b/c she has a different teacher, her daddy. She just sees it as special time with him. He is also great at playing with the little kids. Sometimes I will encourage him to play with the alphabet letters or some other kind of educational game with them.

   I don't know you or the ins and outs of your situation, but I would encourage you to consider letting him be a part. Although you don't feel you need his help now, there may come a day when you are burned out and you really need/want his involvement. If you shut him down while he is interested now, he may not have the desire to help later. It could turn out to be a beautiful thing for his relationship with your children. I keep telling my husband when we work together w/ his strenghts and my strenghts, our kids will be super smart! : ) LOL Maybe if you talk with him more about it you may find he doesn't want to take over your job or think he can do it better than you. How cool is it that our kids do have the opportunity to have both mom and dad teach them at home! So thankful for homeschooling. Hope you all can work out something that feels right for both of you!

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
5. 

   pslively
   Member

   This is kind of a tough situation.  I get what you're saying, I really do.  It would make it more difficult to have two "heads of education" in the house.  However, I would hesitate to completely discourage your husband in this.  Is there one subject that you can hand over to him completely?  And then can you really be willing to let it go?  Don't be involved in the scheduling and don't check up on it.  Just let him handle it.  He is the father of these children, and if this is important to him, I really think it would be wrong to just say no.

   I would talk to him very honestly about everything that you said here on the forum.  He knows you and knows your personality so it shouldn't be unexpected to him.   Tell him it is difficult for you to let it go, but that you could try for just one subject.  

   My honest thought here is - Give him the subject to teach and he's probably going to fizzle out and drop it soon.  That's probably what would happen in my house.  I don't mean that negatively - just that my husband is very busy with work and I can't see him wanting to come home and teach day after day after day.  But I would rather it be him that make the decision to drop it than me telling him no from the beginning.

   I'm not comfortable telling others what to do when I am not intimately involved with the situation, so take my advice or leave it.  But this is what I would do.  Ultimately, to me, my marriage, my being part of a team with my husband, my husband's desire to be more involved with the kids, all of these things would be more important to me than making sure a subject is done the way I want it done.

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
6. 

   Tristan
   Member

   My husband's involvement varies as he has time. Ours works this way:
   Headmaster: Husband
   Teacher: Me

   We counsel together over goals for each child. Then I do the research and present a plan. If I have something I can't decide on (like what to use for science with a particular child) then I briefly share the two options I'm wavering between and he advises me. I love that my husband has a perspective I don't. He can see the forest while I'm down here in the thick of the trees.

   At that point he helps teach if I ask. He enjoys having the kids read aloud to him, and will help with projects/experiments in science if he's home. If I have to take our 7th child in to the hospital for a day of appointments and tests my husband can take over and teach the other children for the day so long as I leave a list of what needs done that day.

   I'm the main, day to day teacher generally.

   Personally, I think that if I were getting upset at his helping that the problem probably is more my own pride and desire to be in control. Neither of those attributes are ones I want to hold on to. When I find myself struggling with them I deliberately act against them and seek to be humble, teachable, and willing to accept my husband's leading or advice. It is a blessing to have a husband who is involved in any way!

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
7. 

   nerakr
   Member

   My situation is similar. Dh works 10 hr days and is too tired to deal with much when he gets home. Plus, if he's home, we don't school. That said, if one of the dc has been particularly trying, he will deal with that. If I'm stuck on how to teach a certain math concept, I can run it by him and he usually has another idea or two. But I don't want him involved in the academics much more than that at this point.

   I've told him (only half joking) that if he wants them to know auto maintenance when they're older, he'll have to do that. He may have to teach them how to drive, too. (They're 8 and almost 5 now). And now that ds8 is in 4h and has chosen to study entomology, dh may have to help him with his collection. But those are things he can do on his days off anyway.

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
8. 

   4myboys
   Member

   Has your husband talked about what subject(s) he would be interested in teaching?  How old are your kids and how many do you have?  Do you have boys? Does he work days?  Would he want to hold his subject(s) off until evenings or weekends when the kids would be less responsive?  My husband started the year off saying he would teach Phys Ed (He didn't -- not once.  Sometimes he'll go out and play ball hockey with the boys or take the family swimming, but nothing structured.  He has a rediculous work schedule.  I honestly think that he has no recollection of ever saying that he would teach phys ed. I've never pushed him on it).  He has taught our older son a bit of wood working and how to operate and care for the lawn tractor and a few other everyday things that I consider handi-crafts or life skills.  In time our younger son will learn these things also.  What I would really like to see him do is start a father-son Bible/character study/mentorship now that our son is soon turning 12 and responsibilities are increasing as he gets older and approaches manhood.

   I think if you sit your dh down, tell him your concerns and ask him what he envisions as his role in this, you may be able to come to some kind of arrangement that you can both live with quite happily.  There may come a day when you are happy to have him available as a "substitute" teacher.   If you have a large family and he is available during regular teaching hours, he may be willing to step into the role of EA and take direction from you. 

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
9. 

   LDIMom
   Member

   First of all, I think it is great he is trying to be so involved. When we first started homeschooling, my DH "was only going along with it." Now I don't want to imply I went againist his leadership or that he went along with me, but he wasn't convinced it was the best course for our family. He did however feel we were being called to try it. That was 4 years ago, and now we rarely discuss sending them back to the PS.

   My husband doesn't teach any "bookwork" but he does teach them many things I put in the Life School category, which are equally important. He owns his own business and is gone 12 hours a day 5 days a week, so he doesn't have a lot of time with them at home and he doesn't want to spend it teaching them. He will help with persistent math issues (he is a Civil Engineer by education) and anything else (except English! or writing) that I ask him to do, but no, he doesn't teach them like you are describing.

   I think you should go in with an open mind. I agree you and your DH would need definite plans on who is to teach what. That would be vital here anyway. :) I wish I had help a lot of days b/c with 6, I feel like someone is always needing more of me than is humanly possible to give. I remind myself though that our oldest would be in a classroom of 30 or more in the PS, so that always gives me perspective and encouragement that I'm doing the best I can, and it is individual attention even if it doesn't feel that way some days!

   Wish you all the best!

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
10. 

    Tecrz1
    Member

    My husband does not assist officially in school. He runs his own company and also pastors our church. He likes to hear what we are doing, but leaves it all uP to me. Which is fine. But if he wants to help I wouldn't deny him the joy. He still does daddy things like teach them to fish, to work on things, and shares his knowledge in discussions. He has offered help on math when I was doing something else and they had a question.
    I have found that it really broadens a child's education when they don't just learn from mom. I love it when y children have a chance to go with their grandparents and do things, or when my son assisted a man in our church with a landscaping project. He learned how to till, plant, mulch, use a wheelbarrow, etc.
    Yes, our children can learn much from books but they also learn so much from the people around them. My husband is obviously able to assist in Biblical studies, but he also has knowledge of business, money, and a host of other skills. He teaches those informally through conversation and example.
    I think if you let your husband try and it doesn't work out, no big deal, but if it does it might become something that your family
    can treasure. It has been a long battle to learn not to control things so much in my life. It squeezes everything into only what I can accomplish instead of letting things happen that are outside of me but enrich our lives greatly.
    Tara

    Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
11. 

    Hope
    Member

    My dh is involved, but he's not a planner so I still plan and oversee everything. He is also a pastor and has a fairly flexible schedule so that helps.  He does our Bible lesson each morning using the SCM guide though we do Bible everyday so he just breaks up the lessons for the week.  

    He really enjoys science so he will often teach a part of that or plan nature walks for us.  Occasionally, he helps the boys with math when they are struggling with something just in hopes that a different teacher will maybe help see it a different way.

    He also enjoys our literature read alouds so we often take turns reading those to them in the evenings.  My boys are young (8, 6, & 5) so they still read a chapter or pages to us everyday for reading instruction & comprehension so they will read to him on his lunch break often.

    I think it's a great asset to have a husband that wants to be involved.  Honestly, I would love to just hand him a subject to teach but that overwhelms him.  Other than Bible, it's me planning and him helping and it works well for us.  I do think if he wanted to split the subjects, I would have some control issues with that like you mentioned.  But I have another friend whose husband teaches their kids from 7th grade on and she teaches the younger kids.  That works for them.

    Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
12. 

    Bookworm
    Member

    God chose both of you as the parents of these children He needs taught.  I think He intends for both parents to be necessary (obviously He has another plan for single parents.)  This does not always mean that the working-outside-the-home parent does lots of formal teaching.  But I DO think it critically, critically important that kids have as much Dad as there is time to provide.  It's very, very true that dads do things differently and this is SO hard for us in-control moms to take sometimes.  But there is a reason we aren't single-parenting!  Homeschooling, done well, is really family discipling across a wide range of topics, and, ladies, sometimes Dad is best!  That's OK.  We do things better than they do, too, but God wants dads to be involved in what He has called us to do.  ESPECIALLY in families with boys--at some point, they really just need men.  They just do.  Moms will always be critical and needed, but at times, boys, especially teen boys, just need to have Dad's hand in things.  It isn't healthy to be isolated all the time in "Mommy land."  Again, this may not mean Dad teaches half the classes.  But I have found my husband's input critical as we move through the teen minefield years.  :-)  He helps me find materials that are suitable. He REMEMBERS being a teen boy.  (Not so much for me. ).  He is clearly better about helping with math, and teaching logic and guy life skills, than I am.  Our kids will be more well-rounded if Dad is involved to the extent he is capable/interested, and it's a good thing.  I'm a former career lady, too, and I have some of this mom business down to a science. BUT THERE IS  A PROBLEM WITH THIS.  We cripple the people around us--our husbands, and even our kids, if we let our perfectionism take over and we don't let them learn to do things themselves.  I know we can often do things easier, faster, better   but where does that leave the rest of the family?  NOT LEARNING.  Learning is at times messy, frustrating, and takes a long time--but it is what we are trying to achieve in the first place!!!!!  Let them learn. Let Dad dip his toes in.  Negotiate, by all means, what he has time to do.  Share things you've learned about your kids that will help him.  THEN LET HIM FLY.  Will he probably crash and burn sometimes?  Yup.  But then, we all have, haven't we?  We had to learn to do this as well.  Don't cheat your husband from this opportunity for personal and spiritual growth, and don't cheat your family from the closer ties that could come from this.  Let it happen and see where God takes it.

    Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
13. 

    my3boys
    Member

    My dh is not involved in the way that your dh is wanting to be. But, he is heavily involved in everything else our dc do. My dh has asked, or I have asked him in the past, about taking on a subject, but his schedule is just too chaotic and he has so many other responsibilities (honestly, it just wouldn't work, in our home, even if he wanted to).

    He is our Principal (my go-to person) and handles all issues I need him to and he's on my side all the time, every time. Not that I have tons of issues with my dc, but I always know that my dh is only a phone call away and that he will settle any and all issues.

    He is our outdoorsman, teaches mechanics, watches interesting programs, takes for bike rides, fishing, etc. And I'm very thankful for that. Now, if he actually wanted to teach a formal subject, I would let him, gather the supplies (if he wanted me to, which he probably would), and make it available to him. He would probably burn out on somewhere in the 2nd lesson and give me props for doing this all day, lol. But, I would love it if he did but I love it that he is willing to take on "teen" issues in a heartbeat and would definitely do science experiments, which I need to have him do soon.

    You are very fortunate to have a dh who wants to be so involved, which I'm sure you already know. Pray, and the Lord will help you.

    BTW, my dh would rather dig ditches than go to a homeschool convention. He may have in the past, he may if I begged, but what he's most likely to say is, "I trust you have this covered, so I'm going to leave this part up to you." Kiss me on the head and tell me to have a great time. LOL.

    Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
14. 

    Delkroemer
    Member

    Thank for all the replies and for sharing your different situations and insight!

    To answer 4MyBoys questions: Has your husband talked about what subject(s) he would be interested in teaching?  How old are your kids and how many do you have?  Do you have boys? Does he work days?  Would he want to hold his subject(s) off until evenings or weekends when the kids would be less responsive?

    My husband is mostly interested in teaching Math. I have 3 girls, two are being homeschooled at ages 5 and 6. My husband works from 4 or 6 am to 2 or 6pm 6 days a week and when he gets home he typically takes shower, eats, works on his own school work and doses off before I have to wake him for dinner lol He is always complaining about how busy he is and how much school work he has to get done, sometimes he is just locked in the room on the computer when he gets home and it is like he isn't home, though most days he takes a break and comes to hang out with us because he realizes he is missing out being so busy. His jobs are not flexible, so he would have to hold off and teach in the afternoon or evening. I am not that relaxed and like to get all the schooling done during day, early as possible and before he gets home, then my kids are in play mode lol So I worry about and am not fond of the idea of them having more school work to work on later in the day and I worry my husband will get overwhelmed, fall behind on his own school work, etc and possibly he will fizzle out as someone else mentioned, but if he did I would feel like I have to pick up where he left off and I'd kind of hate that.

    I am grateful to have a hubby who desires to be involved and supportive, but I'd rather he read aloud to them in the evenings more, continue to play with them like he does and share things with them I have little interest in or knowledge, and do some kind of devotion or bible study with us.

    Anyway, I know this is something I will have to be praying about all around. There are definitely control issues there for me among other things, because homeschooling the kids has been my job and my husband has many others but he is the type to try and do a million things at once and believes he can do anything and everything. It may be good and a growing experience for both of us to share the teaching responsibilities. He has far less patience and I hope that changes for him, it has taken me a while but I am finally much gentler and much more patient with my children. I don't think my hubby wants to be super involved in planning things, that will still be my job and I like doing it, but this may challenge me to involve him more in the planning and include him more in making educational choices for the kids.

    I definitely don't want to push my husband or discourage him, as I have always thought I may want him more involved in certain subjects at upper grade levels. He is great at math and I'm just not a math person. Yet I worry things will clash right now, especially with his overwhelming schedule and it will bother me. He is already planning on doing math only two days a week or so and I wonder if that is enough or if I should do it on days he can't ..

    Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
15. 

    Bookworm
    Member

    What about this idea?  Instead of teaching your REGULAR math and messing with your schedule, how about he look into some special projects?  Maybe he could find some "hands-on" math applications to do with them.  My dh came to a convention with me this year  :-)  and found some materials by a guy named Ed Zaccaro which he bought to use with our kids on "his time."  There are several books of math investigations and crazy math stories, and a couple of legal-issue and logic books that he was really excited about. He is going to work on these as he has time with our boys this year.  I think it's great!  I'll still handle most of the day-to-day, although dh does get us "unstuck" when we get tangled in pre-calculus (sigh.)  These books might be a little over your girls' heads now (If you want I'll go double-check the materials we have and see if he has younger problems/projects.)  but there might be other areas he could enrich your girls' education and be involved and build memories and not make your daily schedule difficult. 

    Posted 10 months ago # Report Post

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