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Getting them to remember
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There have been a lot of chore discussions on here lately, and I have a big need. My children do their chores very well everyday. If ever a job is not done appropriately, they always have a good attitude and fix whatever the problem is. They have optional paid chores everyday, so there’s incentive to do extra and be extra helpful. They have laminated papers that detail exactly what I expect and when I want it done. Sounds great, right?
The problem? I have to remind them to do the chores!
Today I realized at 3:15 that afternoon chores hadn’t been done yet, so I sing-songed, “Oh goodness, ya’ll haven’t done your afternoon chores yet!” To which ds8 responded, “You didn’t remind us!” I responded with, “I shouldn’t have to!”
I am constantly having to say things like “Ok, what time is it?” or “What do you need to do next?” Bedtime chores are the least remembered, making that time of day a little more stressful. They even have incentive to do their chores without being reminded. If they go an entire day and complete their entire list without reminding, they earn play time on the iPad the next day. Guess what? No one’s done it yet.
Any ideas on getting them to remember?
I often relate my children’s chores to Daddy’s work. If daddy’s boss or client had to remind him everyday what was expected of him he wouldn’t have a job very long. I remind them I don’t have them do chores because I can’t do it I have them do chores so they can learn life. Then I would remind them in life Daddy doesn’t get reminders everyday of what needs to be done. It seems to work MOST of the time. Another thought is an instant incentive, if someone does a chore without being asked or reminded make a HUGE deal out of it. I find instant gratification sometimes helps. Just some thoughts
Hope you get some answers that will help!I know exactly what you mean, my kids are great to follow through after gentle reminding. After thinking and talking it through with hubby, we have used a new incentive system for the last month and it has worked beautifully. Not perfect, but much, much better!!
Basically I have a homemade chart on the fridge with each child’s name and a monthly allowance amount. Adjacent to each name is a “deduction” area. Nothing is deducted from the set amount IF there is no reminding to go do their lists. If I have to say something then a little is taken out of their total. This has really made subtraction come to life! LOL
I used to be unsure of giving children money for completing work, but after logically thinking through this, I see that this method is rewarding them to take initiative and be diligent about their responsibilities without someone reminding. This is what adults have to do to get paid in the real job world, and I hope my kids are learning that if they don’t take the initiative then the rewards are not there. Period.
On a side note, the older the child, the more money because of extra work involved. Also, my 5 year old has a jar with the actual money inside. She sees her deductions and understands what’s going on. With her being so young, I still tell her to go do her list, but it’s said only ONE time or the deduction is taken.
They love knowing they can earn a certain amount every month. This has been a real blessing so far!
Maybe try an alarm that would remind them so you don’t have to? I do this for myself. My watch has 3 alarms, each set to beep each day to remind me to take my vitamins, get devotional/read aloud times started, and to get going on preparing for supper. These are the things that without the alarm I tend to lose track of the time and start them late (or I just outright forget the vitamins.) Eventually you may be able to expect them to just remember, but an alarm system would be a middle step.
Joanne
I have three sets of chores one in the morning, afternoon, and evening. I too had to remind them. So now for the morning I set an alarm for exactly when they need to start the morning chores. So if they get up earlier then the chore starting time and are playing the alarm sounds. This means they have to stop playing and go work on their morning chores. I also now expect that they can’t go over a certain time because I want to start school. I am a little laid back for the other set of chores and the times. I set a date night card up for incentive and so i don’t have to remind. If they get all three sets of chores done then they get a sticker. Once they reach 12 stickers they can choose to spend time with one parent or even a grandparent their choice. If they don’t get even one set done in a certain time period they don’t get that sticker for the day. Maybe something like that would help. You could set up blocks of time that they need to stay in.
It is wonderful they are doing their chores cheerfully.
Kim.
Our kids do their chores rather cheerfully, as well, but the reminder thing is the biggest problem. I am using an idea from awhile back but these are great ideas I may have to incorporate.
Here’s my concern with the alarm reminders…my kids are scattered all over the house usually (sometimes upstairs, sometimes in the bathroom, or outside etc) AND it’s usually [happily] loud. I would need a S.W.A.T. Team alarm for them to really hear it. LOL! I think I would end up reminding them to listen for their alarms.
You could try digital watches with 3 alarms for each kid.
We give our kids monthly allowance that isn’t tied to chores. It’s simply a tool to help them learn about managing money and the chores are expected contributions to the family. That said, deducting $ from their allowance would certainly be incentive here, if it’s needed!
We don’t want to pay for all chores, as we feel that contributing to the home is part of being in our family, regardless of pay. They have chores they receive money for that are optional. If they complete them, they get paid; if not, they don’t, no big deal. Deducting money might work for one child, but the other often chooses not to do the paid chores, so I’m not sure she really cares if money is taken away or not.
We have tried comparing what Daddy and Mommy do around the house with their responsibilities. Many times I have told them that no one ever has to remind me to cook a meal, wash the clothes, or vacuum the floor. That doesn’t seem to sink in enough for them to relate that to themselves.
I like the alarm idea, however the chores don’t always get done at the exact same time each day. Afternoon chores don’t start until we’re finished with school. If it’s lunch time when we’re finished with school, afternoon chores get pushed until after lunch. They are very good about remembering their morning chores, as these are done upon waking: make bed, get dressed, come to kitchen to help w/ breakfast, unload dishwasher, brush teeth. It’s the afternoon chores and bedtime chores that they aren’t remembering to do.
Aren’t we just trying to establish a habit here?? Why is it so hard? Grrrrrr….
Well, this isn’t helpful if you want afternoon chores done at a particular time, but what works fairly well here is each child has a list of what to do for the day on their school schedule. The morning chores naturally get done around breakfast. The clean-up of school room/family room (only areas we school and mess up) are to be done after school and before free time. Bedtime routine is simply pj’s/teeth/bathroom…so if we just say ‘time for bed’ they know what to do.
But you have a larger family, so this may not be helpful:) We don’t do cleaning (dusting/vac./bathrooms/floors) except on Sat. mornings, and that really helps me…they have the same duties every Sat. They put their own dishes in the dishwasher after every meal. I’ve not established meal time chores yet…planning to this summer. Sorry, I’m probably not very helpful! Gina
P.S. Have you tried the Managers of their Chores where the kids wear their chore cards around their necks?
Our afternoon chores are done directly after lunch. The evening chores directly after dinner. I recently had a conversation with my kids that made them understand to NOT leave the dinner table after a meal without thinking of working first. That means helping with kitchen mess, school mess, and any “zones” that I see that need attention. That’s the rule. No exceptions unless I say so.
Now, I do try to keep if fun with music, etc. But if that’s too distracting then off it goes. 🙂
Also, in response to paying for contribution to the family with chores… I’m not rewarding for doing their work, it’s rewarding to REMEMBER. That’s a big difference. They do the work regardless of being paid or not. They know this difference.
An idea came to mind after reading your example routine, LindseyD. What about having a favorite activity, like a read-aloud book, become a “leveraged” part of your routine? So after lunch there is a set amount of time before the read-aloud or activity. Those who have finished their chores are allowed to participate; those who have not, must go do their chores and miss out on however long it takes to finish their responsibilities. Maybe that natural consequence will be enough to help them take initiative and stop depending on your prodding.
I’ve always liked the idea of a popsicle stick chore chart because it provides such a nice visual reminder. You simply write chores (or picutres for younger children) on popsicle sticks and put them in a container for each child. Your children can then take a stick, do the chore, and then put the stick in another container for finished chores.
Here are links to some ideas if you want to get fancy, but even a mug or decorated can will do.
http://www.howdoesshe.com/chore-chart-for-multiple-kids
http://makingahome-pa.blogspot.com/2012/01/introducing-our-chore-chart.html
This kind of reminder system works well with natural consequences because the popsicle sticks are such an obvious indicator of progress that can be seen any time.
Hope you get some answers that will help!
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