I'm looking forward to some input for our 9yo son. He is fearful in circumstances that can make his life miserable and make things very difficult (and sometimes dangerous) for the rest of us. He will not go into the basement alone, he will not step away from the light in the barn. He will not go outside by himself. He will not go to bed when his older brother is not home (they share a room). He will not return downstairs by himself to retrieve something when we've all headed upstairs for the night.
This is a sampling and it really gets us into some pickles at times because, as you know, when you have lots going on you just need the child to do what needs to be done...period.
He is a believer and we have gone over the author of fear and the Conqueror of fear many, many times. We've prayed. I'm made him do something and he agonizes himself into a frenzy. I've responded at times with a reprieve, or most often lately with "Obedience will get you through anything; just do it." This has helped in certain circumstances, not all, not even most.
Here is a scenario just from this evening: My older son (20yo), the next one (12yo) and this little fella were doing chores at the barn. It was dark by the time they got over there and the pump was not working, the goat got out, and so the oldest was working with the pump and the next was trying to corral the goat--just one of those moments when you really need all hands on deck. The 9yo needed to walk 5 feet away from the light and get a cup of grain so that the goat could be fetched. He refused. It was hairy for the other two people.
I can come up with other examples, but I'm sure you understand the limitations and hardships it can put on us all. Can you hear my frustration? The 12yo is getting pretty resentful (his sin, I know, but I do so understand) and I am counseling him to be compassionate, praying for his brother because fear is bondage. Also, I told him that when he is in a position where he needs his brother to act and he refuses that he needs to just walk away and come get a parent. That will result in shrieks and tears, but I don't know what else to do because I cannot be everywhere at the same time (only toddlers have that ability :) ).
Thanks, I've been lengthy, but I was trying to give you a correct picture. Looking forward to some advice!