SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   csmamma
   Member

   What do you all think of biblical instruction for discipline & training? Do you think this helps the child in loving God? Let me explain. For example, when a child whines, would you recommend quoting Phillipians 2:14 "do everything without whining or complaining......"?

   We use biblical instruction for discipline and discipleship in our home but lately, as a mother, I'm wondering if there is more I should be doing or maybe not as much. Our goal is not to have perfectly well behaved children only but children who love God with all their hearts, all their souls, all their minds and all their strength.

   What did Charlotte say about biblical instruction for discipline & training? I thought I remember her touching on this in a CM book but I can't remember where.

   My dear husband and I know that we need to obey God when His Word says to "train up a child in the way....." but what does that look like in a real home lived out? How about your home? Would anyone like to share.

   These are the things that are dear to my heart and can you tell, I love to discuss them. :)

   Blessings,
   Heather

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
2. 

   richpond
   Member

   I have really enjoyed reading several books about this topic..I don't always follow everything as the books spell out but it helps me to atleast get my mind around training them in righteousness. Here are a few of the books I recommend on this subject.
   Keeping your Child's heart-Steve& Terri Maxwell
   Instructing a Child's heart-Ted Tripp
   Sheparding a Child's heart-Ted Tripp
   For Training in Righteousness-Doorposts, Pam Foster
   Wise Words for Moms-Ginger Plowman this is not a book but a great resource to help you quickly find the heart probing questions and scripture to help your children "put off" the ungodly character and "put on" the godly character.
   For instance under complaining..it has the question "Is your attitude showing thankfulness and contentment? Then it has the Phil. 2:14 verse as a reproof(put off) then has the encouragement (put on) of 1 Thess. 5:16-18 about being thankful in all circumstances.
   It is a great TOOL...if only I would use it consistently.
   There are several other good books too but this post is already long and maybe more then you wanted. BUT I too am passionate about training our children to love, serve, and obey God wholeheartedly.
   Blessing,
   Shelly

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
3. 

   csmamma
   Member

   Shelly, I wish you were my neighbor; we have the same books on our shelf!!! :)
   I have all that you mentioned except the Pam Foster one. Just last week, I got the Wise Words for Moms and have been musing over it. I love how she lists the verses for encouragment next to the verses for correction. This is where I've been lacking. I get discouraged when I don't follow through on a consistant basis and when I don't see the fruit in certain areas in my children where I long to. This is where I begin to question everything. I think I will pull the Shepherding books off the shelf again and read for encouragment - thank you for the reminder. Like I said, wish you were my neighbor, we could have a cup of tea together. :)

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
4. 

   richpond
   Member

   Heather,
   That would be great!! I love tea and all my neighbors right now are elderly couples..their great but I would love to have someone with children living close by. :D

   I really liked the Instructing a Child's Heart, it really made me think about how and when I am trying to train. I usually want to instruct in the "heat of the moment" and far to often it is more of a lecture then a heart probing reflection on their sin and how to overcome it. When will I ever learn. :?

   Shelly

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
5. 

   csmamma
   Member

   I, too, am often tempted to lecture in the "heat of the moment". I've also found, that as I'm learning to instruct their heart, my own heart is being instructed because so often the sin I'm seeing in them is just a reflection of my own. I'm beginning to see that I'm in this thing "with" them and not against them. I too need my heart to be shepherded and instructed on a continual basis. I never want to ask to take the speck out my sons eye when all the while there is a PLANK in my own. Hmmmm....

   I've spent way too much time on the pc thismorning; the suns peeking out -I'm off. :) Have a great day, Shelly!

   Heather

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
6. 

   mj
   Member

   I have a question relating to this topic. How can we use God's word to encourage them to do what's right instead of them seeing it as punishment when they make bad choices. For example, when they complain I have them write out Phil. 2:14, but we've done this so much that our youngest (8) will huff and puff "I know, I know...copy the verse because I complained" which made me realize, perhaps I'm misusing this whole idea. I don't want them to grow up seeing God's word as a punishment, but as a guide for life that brings freedom. Does that make sense?

   Perhaps I should invest in Wise Words for Mom?!

   A second question; how do your husbands get involved in this area practically speaking? If you have "issues" during the day while he's at work, how do you go about involving him so you aren't the only one doing the discipline?

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
7. 

   nerakr
   Member

   How do the books Shelly mentioned compare to Lisa Whelchel's Creative Correction (which I need to go back and read)?

   Karen

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
8. 

   amyjane
   Member

   Heather I am so excited you started this. This is my passion and my head is spinning trying to condense it all into an appropriate post. It may take several as I think over it:)
   I have read all of the books listed and I would also recommend Ginger Plowman's (wise words for moms) book Don't make me count to three. This book is a mom's application of Tripp's book Sheparding a Child's Heart. Tripp said it himself. His is such principle based and hers is very application based.
   As for your original question I say yes yes yes!!! God's word is the only thing that is "living and active...able to penetrate the bone and marrow." The caution I think is how we use the Scriptures - like the pharisees to beat down because they just can't get it right (I myself am quilty of this at times) or like Jesus used it - to point out the depth of sin and that they will NEVER be able to always not whine or complain (the sermon on the mount makes sin such an issue of the heart). The topic of discussion between my dh and myself these days is how to we begin to shift our training with our 5 year old to begin to help them see that they will never get it right all the time - that is why Jesus had to come and live the life we should live (perfect) and die the death we should die (because of our sin).
   I think I have more to say but I need to think about it for a bit:):) Thanks again Heather. I am excited to see where this goes. Where do you live by the way??? :) We have just moved back to our hometown after 13 years - we feel God has called us here for ministry. I am the only mom I know who stays home with her children much less homeschools. So I LOVE this forum - it is one of my outlets for fellowship.

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
9. 

   csmamma
   Member

   MJ, what a great question. Have you read "Shepherding a childs heart" or the sequal "Instructing a Childs heart" by Tedd Tripp? He touches on your question all throughout. Here is a quote from one of the books referring to Galations 6:1
   "You who are spiritual should restore him gently. You may be tempted to respond to your sons failure with anger or impatience, but your son needs restoration. Your role is to bring your child encouragment. He needs to know that there is grace, forgiveness, and mercy for those who turn to Christ".
   I think you would really like Wise Words for Mom -its layed out like a wall calander, very easy as a reference tool and only a few bucks.
   As far as my dh's involvement. At the end of the day (in private) we discuss how child training went in the home that day - any issues that came up, etc. If there was an act of disobediance, lets say, dad is the one to deal with it privately with that child. We also discuss and pray as a family for encouragment in the areas that need it. We look at it as though we are a team - fighting the good fight of faith together. :)

   Karen, I'm not sure how the books compare because I've never read creative correction -sorry. Has anyone els?

   Amyjane, thanks for recommending Ginger Plowmans book and for sharing your heart. I'd love to hear more if you feel led to share. :)
   To answer your question about where we live, we're currently in Cedar Springs, Michigan but will be moving to Lawrenceville, Georgia in the next year or so. Where have you moved for ministry?

   Have a great day!
   Heather

   Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
10. 

    Misty
    Member

    :cry:I have read Creative correction and thought it good. I haven't read it in about 2 years though. We are going through some really tough times and I could use to read 'anything' that would help.

    have you ever just given up on it all? I sit here knowing that yesterday I did just that. I gave up, and let it all go. Then after getting my head on I came back better for it and we started over.

    How many times can you start over before it's to many? I am very much in need of a hug cause I feel like I can't get my children to obey, respect, be kind or anything of the sort. They can do it if we are doing something they want to do then they are Perfect! how do you deal with that? At home terrible, out doing something they enjoy great? I get such mixed feelings.

    Sorry to ramble :cry:
    Misty

    Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
11. 

    csmamma
    Member

    Oh Misty, my toddler is beginning to stir, so all I can do now is....

    (((((HUG))))))

    Lord, I pray you would wrap your arms around Misty today - encourage and strengthen her by the power of Your love........

    Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
12. 

    richpond
    Member

    Misty,
    I know just how you feel. I have given up numerous times and it has been better when I am able to spend time in prayer and CRYING and asking for forgiveness for my failures. And then like you said I am able to come back with a better attitude and a joy in training. GOSH...the timer just went off so my time on the computer is up. I have more to say but it will have to wait.
    Here's a ((((((HUG)))))) from me too.
    Shelly

    Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
13. 

    Misty
    Member

    Thank you ladies and also for just letting me know I am not alone. Today was a better day, though they have been instructed they will be with one of us parents at all times. Each thing that is unkind, not polite, obediant or otherwise is disaplined right then and there. It's tough to be consistant but I am again trying and that's all I can do for today.
    Misty

    Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
14. 

    richpond
    Member

    Karen,
    I have the Lisa Welchel book too. I read it along time ago so I can't remember how it would compare with the other books I mentioned. I do remember the LW book did have some great practical ideas of how to reward your children.

    I also have the Don't Make Me Count to Three. It is a very good practical book too. As you can tell I like to buy books. All of them have great ideas and biblical instruction for us as parents. Probably my favorite as far as giving me scripture and ideas of how to implement using scripture with my children is the book FOR INSTRUCTION IN RIGHTEOUSNESS by doorposts. This book gives lots of practical ideas and not just in theory as some books do.

    Anyway, all of these books (and of course the BIBLE) have helped to shape our philosophy and practice of training our children..I fail all the time..but there is GRACE and MERCY at the feet of JESUS..and that is just where I need to be every morning before I start my day as a wife and mother.

    As for how my husband is involved..we do it the same way Heather said her family does it. But I would be interested to know how other families do it.

    Misty I hope you had a great day...oh one more thing..I know that my days go much better when I am prepared and have things for the kids to do..instead of having to much "free-time". BUT that said, remember that you have a newborn or close to it, I do too (3m ds) and that we need to give ourselves and our children grace during this time of transition and busyiness

    Blessings to all,
    Shelly

    Posted 4 years ago # Report Post
15. 

    Rebekahy
    Member

    I've read the Don't make me count to three, but by far the MOST practical book of applications I've read is Raising Godly Tomatoes. You can read the entire book on this website http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ but I found it so useful that I bought it. I return to it again and again and when I do, I notice marked improvement in my little brood. It is by far the most labor intensive parenting book you will ever read, but I think that the world encourages us to be lazy parents - though just the fact that we are homeschooling shows that we're willing to invest much more time and "trouble" into our child's lives what's a little more to turn out obedient children. And obedient children is certainly what we want, because if our children do not listen to us, how will they learn to listen to God? I really hope that some of you find this website beneficial as it was a Godsend for our family.

    Blessings,
    Rebekah

    Posted 4 years ago # Report Post

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