SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   LDIMom
   Member

   Well that's a light-bulb for me Evergreen. I mean, I knew men want to fix it, but I guess I needed to hear again that I need to not lay out all the things to him b/c he can't fix them all (or really any of it).

   One of our children wears us down daily. It is very hard.

   I have prayed until I could cry no more tears. I have cried out to God asking why He won't intervene, and really I just worry that our son will take a wrong path.

   He has a very quick temper. He is very defiant and can be totally disrespectful. It is almost like I hold my breath when I must say something to him, not even just asking him to do something but maybe "we're going to go to the zoo today" could even send him into a total meltdown. But he doesn't often cry; he much more often gets angry and yells, which upsets everyone else.

   It is really hard. And my husband's answer if I confide in him about it is "let's just put him back in school" which I know would be a big mistake. I just know it.

   So, anyway, I just keep praying b/c I just can't figure it all out. I know my husband feels defeated like me, but he just doesn't feel the same way about homeschooling, which I've shared before, so I have to keep a lot of it inside. I try to daily lay it all down though, because I have 5 other children who need my attention too.

   @ Aimee, something you shared struck me. You mentioned a new baby. I know for our son who struggles most with defiance and jealousy (he is so jealous, it is just sad) and disrespect and compaining (oh my), he has also struggled the most with each new addition to our family. I've often thought he would be so well-pleased as an only child, but then I take trust in the fact God didn't place him into a family with just one child. Anyway, I know new addtions to our family greatly affect our one son and bring out a bad attitude often.

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post
2. 

   LindseyD.
   Member

   Thank you all so much for your thoughts. I have prayed much about this issue, and it occurred to me yesterday that this behavior didn't begin in dd until we had been off our routine for a couple of weeks. I'm sure it was the Holy Spirit reminding me that she thrives in routine, and that has something to do with her attitude/tone of voice. We have been in the midst of summer and all the activities that involves: going swimming, traveling, staying w/ grandparents, sleeping late, staying up late, etc. I expressed my need to be back on a normal schedule to my husband just a few days ago, so I'm sure if I'm feeling it, the kids are too.

   No, we don't watch any mainstream tv. If they're not watching a documentary, then they're watching the old episodes of Dennis the Menace or Flipper or Little House. We watch it with them and never see the characters disrespecting or being rude to each other. If I thought tv was our issue here, I'd take care of it immediately, but I sincerely don't.

   Evergreen, thank you for reminding me to stop telling my children WHY to act/talk/think/do the things they should and just lay out what I want and then have a consequence, either positive or negative, that reflects their choice. I needed to hear that!

   Nebby, dh is going to be more active in this behavior with dd. He even took the reins today after she disrespected me. If he's the one she's going to be attached to right now, then I think he's probably the best person to get the message across. 

   I ABSOLUTELY believe this is a heart issue for her. I've tried asking her a million different ways what's going on or if I've done or said something to upset her or hurt her feelings. She insists that she just doesn't know why she's acting the way she is. I've told her that I won't be upset if she tells me I've done something wrong. She still insists she doesn't know.

   One thing I finally noticed today is that this attitude and tone of disrespect rears its ugly head most often when I've told or asked her to do something without knowing that she was already on her way to doing it. This afternoon, I told her she would be very helpful if she would help me finish cleaning the kitchen. Then I turned my back and went on washing dishes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walking out of the kitchen and down the hall, so I asked her, "What are you doing?" And she replied with that rude tone and attitude, "I was just taking this to my room because it was on the table!" If she had used a nice, respectful tone and still made the same statement, the outcome for her would have been completely different. But, anyway, that's what I've noticed. It's when she's on her way to doing something and I ask/tell her to do that very thing because I don't know what she's up to. She's also my big dawdler, and without constant prompting, she gets off task very quickly and easily. So it's become a habit of mine to tell or remind her to do things more often. 

   I don't know if that makes any sense, but I do believe the Lord has opened my eyes to a couple of things today. If I knew how to get to the heart of the heart issue, I would. So far, I've asked the Lord to show me the real heart of it, but I'm still clueless.

   Blessings,

   Lindsey

   Posted 10 months ago # Report Post

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