I wanted to add we have alone nights around here on Mondays.  This is the night where the kids get a blanket and a small (quiet) item and play on it while M&D have time to talk, figure things out or just sit and watch something uninterupted.  This is nice for both of us.

Also, on Wed. we have 1-on-1 night.  What that is is just that.  Every week one child gets to be with mom & dad for 1 hour while there siblings must play in there rooms quietly.  Everyone gets a turn.  So right now our rotation takes 6 weeks for the child to come back around.  But they can't wait.  they get to pick what we do on that night (with in reason or we'd be off to DQ every week).

Then for the other nights we have assigned nights that way M&D are both there with them and we're doing things as a family.  If dad is really tired we might switch something but for the most part we are on coarse.

Just some thoughts.  My kids go crazy when dad comes in and it's to much for him.  So this way it's a bit less hetic. Maybe

Lindsey I can relate in the wanting to spend time with hubby too... I have a couple of thoughts from our experience. 

1. Your son is at the age that he wants to relate with dad.  And your daughter gets time with you all day but your son needs man time.  My boys need time with their dad - one on one relating men to men.  Their tanks need to be filled in a way I can't. 

2. One of the things that a dear friend encouraged me regarding how my husband spends his time at home - is not to micromanage.  Make my thoughts for the needs of the family known to my husband and let him lead.  This was hard for me to let go of but since I have it is nice.

3. Maybe set one or two family nights a week and make them fun and something to look forward to.  But then let your husband decide.  One thing good that we have done at times it to take 15 mins of couch time - just me and hubby.  This helps kids know that mom is dad first priority - this happens in seasons but especially when the boys demand his time.  So you get undivided attention first - and your son learns that he is part of the family.

4. Let your husband decide when he is tired and let him protect his time - back to micro managing.  It is hard for me lindsey because I am use to planning the flow of the day.  But it has helped my husband think for his evenings and not just show up.

I hope these help and encourage and not defeat.

Oh and this was a hard thing for me but I am learning to step aside and enjoy some me time while dad is entertainer.  Enjoy your few minutes on the computer.

Amy

My husband recently switched jobs, and he's now home every week evening. This is the first time in four years that he isn't working at least 3 evenings a week, in addition to his normal, 8-5 career. Of course, it has been wonderful to have him home like a normal hubby and daddy is home.

Ds (7) is being very demanding of Daddy's time, however. Instead of asking, "Daddy, would you play cars with me?", he is being bossy, "Daddy, let's go play cars. Come on, Daddy!" Just a few minutes ago, my husband started to walk into the kitchen while I washed dishes. Ds said, "No, Daddy! Don't go in the kitchen. Come play basketball!" I know ds isn't trying to be disrespectful; he's just so excited that Daddy is home so much. We're all excited. It's just that I feel like this is creating a habit that Daddy's time is going to be completely devoted to playing with kids from the moment he walks in the door until the minute they go to bed. The children are expecting this from him. 

He's not the one complaining, though. It's me. I want time with my hubby too. I want us to have family time, but all the kids want is to play with Dad while I do whatever. Tonight, they played basketball while I cleaned the kitchen. Right now, dd is in the bathtub, I am on the computer, and dh and ds are playing cars.

I'm really not trying to complain about having a husband who adores playing with his children. I just don't want the newness of him being home every night to to turn into his getting worn out from working all day and playing all evening. And I want some (not all) of our evenings to be spent with us having family time as well as each of us feeling free to individually work on something enjoyable (ie. sewing, reading, etc.).

Any suggestions without making the children feel like we're trying to limit their Daddy time?

Blessings,

Lindsey

I don't play with my kids in that down on the floor with toys way either. I did some when they were littler and there were fewer of them but I usually found it boring pretty quickly. They are better able to amuse themselves now plus they have each other (I currently have 4 kids ages 5 through 10). I do play board and card games with them. My dd has been taking tennis this summer and I enjoy practicing with her though we are both terrible at this point. My point is that as your kids grow you may find other things that you enjoy doing with them.

I don't play with my kids in that down on the floor with toys way either. I did some when they were littler and there were fewer of them but I usually found it boring pretty quickly. They are better able to amuse themselves now plus they have each other (I currently have 4 kids ages 5 through 10). I do play board and card games with them. My dd has been taking tennis this summer and I enjoy practicing with her though we are both terrible at this point. My point is that as your kids grow you may find other things that you enjoy doing with them.

Oh I am so happy to read this post!

Sonya, I love that first quote!  I have gone back and forth between guilt and knowing that I have to take care of the things that need to be taken care of, but then I would think well I need to take care of the kids, but they have to eat but they need to feel loved and so on and so on...

But FINALLY a few months ago I was thinking about it and and I thought, I have to teach my children to respect other peoples feelings....including mine.  I have to respect who they are and they should do the same for me...I am not saying you should never go out of your way or be uncomfortable for the sake of your children....but what kind of example am I setting for my children if all we do is play all day and I let the house fall down around us because I'm afraid if I turn them down their feelings will be hurt or there is never a home cooked meal because I was to busy playing with them.  I show my children that they are important to me by listening to them when they speak, and treating them as I would want to be treated.  If I liked to do 5 mile hikes in the woods every weekend and my grandma didn't want to come along, that wouldn't mean she didn't love me or apprieciate me...it would simply mean we were at different stations in our life, and didn't enjoy the same things but there are plenty of other things we can enjoy together...know what I mean.....I hope this makes sense...I keep trying to make sure it doesn't come across cold.  I absolutely hate playing pretend, cars, etc, but I cannot even begin to explain how much I enjoy watching my children play.  You get to see all the little things they picked up when you didn't think they were watching...another thing I am just thinking about is that when you do play with your children,at least for me anyway, it is hard not to lead the play, and if you are leading they are not dicovering things for themselves...you are not allowing them to develop their own ideas...you are telling them how it should go...kwim

and yes I am aware my writing/grammar is terrible...I promise not to let my dc use it for copy work...lol ; )

Chantelle, I'm glad you pointed out play without a purpose. My dd5 constantly wants me to play stuffed animals with her, except her idea of "playing" is that the stuffed animals carry on totally pointless conversations with each other. That's one of my least favorite things to play!

Sonya, thank you for posting Charlotte's words on this topic. That, plus what everyone said, has really encouraged me that I'm not alone and that I'm doing the right thing as far as CM is concerned. 

I'm glad I finally got over my fear and asked the question!

Thank you Sonya for the 1st "quote" I love that and think my kids needs to memorize it!

"It is not her [the mother's] business to entertain the little people" (Vol. 1, p. 45).

"In order to give the children room for free development on the lines proper to them, it is well that parents and teachers should adopt an attitude of 'masterly inactivity' " (Vol. 3, Preface). 

I'm so glad to see this discussed!  When my kids were infants/toddlers I didn't mind doing the baby type toys and we have always read ALOT!  However, I have often told my husband and my mom friends that I don't like to "play".  I love to play board games, kick the soccer ball around with my boys and even run with my oldest (though sadly he is much faster than me so we don't do this often since I'm too slow for him!), but I don't enjoy cars, trucks, trains, etc.  If I had girls, I could see myself doing a tea party but I wouldn't be able to endure hours of girly make believe play either!  My husband, on the other hand, is great at playing! 

I have always felt like if the "play" doesn't have a purpose or an ending it gets on my nerves... I will happily build a sand castle with my kids at the beach, but I don't want to want to push a  hotwheel car around the room pretending to race!

So glad to see I'm not alone!  Wonder what Sonya would say about Charlotte's opinion on othis topic!

I can SO relate! My boys are both quite young (1 1/2 and 3), and I really just have zero interest in making cars and trains zoom around on things for hours! We just got a nice set of wooden blocks, and my 3yo mostly just wants me to build things so "THomas can knock dat house over!' Even the things he builds are train/car related, like ramps for them to go down and garages for them to park in :) Luckily, the 18mo is old enough to play a lot of things with him now, so they keep each other entertained. Meanwhile, I read and do housework and mediate the occasional squabble.

This post has been great and burden lifting to read. I found it easy to play with my first 2 daughters, now 15 and 13, but with the addition of each child, especially the boys, I have had a harder time. Amen to the post about the guilt being from the enemy! We as homeschooling moms, are here all day with our children and they are always spending time with us, and this means alot, even if it's not all playtime.

It reminds me of what Sonya talks about in the free ebook resource, Masterly Inactivity, when she talks about CM's idea of not to be "overmuch" with the children...ie that we don't have to be hovering/playing with them every minute.

Nanci

I just wanted to add.  That being at night by the time dh comes home he is tired, exhausted and totally wiped from work we don't do a lot in the evening (especially right now with it so hot and humid outside).  So weekends are usually more our playful times.  This is great and wears the kids out! 

Also we have 6 kids and every Tuesday night one of them get's to spend and hour with us (18mo old is working on blanket time near us) and we do WHATEVER they want.  Even if it's castle for the 4th 1-on-1 time in a row.  We smile, laugh and try and make the most of it.  But you know what they look forward to that time and know exactly how long it is till it's there night.  This is a special time for M & D to be alone to listen, play and just be with that one child.  This is great gift we can give them with many children.  And we feel it's important, so that we do it all 11 months only taking off for December because of so much going on.

Just wanted to add that.  Also my mom did not play with me she was single, and worked 2 jobs almost my entire childhood and we don't have a great relationship we have a good relationship.  But then again she wasn't even "home".  We have a good relationship though and that's enough for me.  I know that I am giving my children more than she was "able" to give me.  She needed to work.  I know that now that I'm older and I understand.

But I'm home, I'm there to see every boo-boo, every new coloring picture, every 1st step and I'm the one teaching them to read, write, make meals and get along.  I know that will count for more than anything one day when they get older.  Just wanted to add.  misty

Okay, had a few typos there, sorry:)

I think for me I thought that when I finally had my kids (took awhile, infertility, etc.) and when I was finally able to stay home full-time that I'd be playing with them all-the-time.  Uh, yeah, right:)

I do however, love to take them to the lake/park and watch them play.  We just went to church camp and (not bragging here, just telling my story) my husband and I were the only "parents" that actually "played" with the kids (our's and other's) except for the people assigned to play the games. We played friseie (I love frisbee), swam, ping-pong, hoola-hoop whatever's, etc.   In that type of environment with no cares of a household to manage I am much more playful.  I think that's why I like to take the boys camping so much.  Away from the house, suppose to get dirty, no tv, computer, laudry...you get the idea.  So, no more guilt.  I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself right now, lol, just kidding. 

This forum is the best.  Well, LindseyD., I hope you feel encouraged and know that you are totally normal:)